The Mother Who Never Loved Me
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Happy Valentine's Day To The Mother Who Never Loved Me

Motherhood wasn't for her and it still isn't.

Humphrey Muleba

On this day of commercialized love, nothing happy can come from it. Fill your appetite with assorted candy, a fancy dinner and consummate a relationship with acts of true love. One revolution of the sun and the moon, all in celebration of a metaphysical emotion that escapes us, traps us and frees us. To what quota is love true?

I have a mother, you are already up to speed. I would say you do not need to know much about her since she does not care to know you. Unfortunately for her, she gave birth to a boy she did not want to grow up and who would eventually question and enunciate words rather than cute, monosyllable babbles.

She gave birth to a boy and not "the" boy she always wanted. She prayed for me she said, but her miracle came with a double meaning she didn't want to define more than way. Ever since I was four, I could not bring myself to say, "I love you, Mom." When I was told to say it to her by my father, and when I did, it was a moment of conditional love.

The love that my mom grants me is and has been given conditionally. If you do not love her, she does not love you. If you do not agree with her, she does not agree with you. You tell her that it is selfish to expect everyone to do and think as she does. She says that is not true, she never said that or never would say that.

You are supposed to protect her reputation. Anything she would not do or think that you do and think yourself becomes a bad reflection of her reputation. A reputation she does not have since she avoids her neighbors and people she will hold no trust in. Staying at home and sitting in front of a television and tablet looking at home improvement options makes her closer to God and a better person than the rest of us.

Do not even bother asking her why. Her only reason is that she should not and does not have to explain herself. Because she is your mother, the best and only reason your obedient childhood mind needs.

A mother who called me autistic instead of finding out if I really was autistic. A mother who called me a moron when her mother would never have called me a moron. A mother who never loved me because she expected a nuclear family, but all she got was something nuclear, but this is not completely true.

Her intentions can be good but how far do they serve the one with those intentions and not the one receiving them? I do not reciprocate love where love does not dwell. I do not love someone to appease their lack of love for me so that they will love me. I do not love conditionally, but I do not love unconditionally either.

Love cannot be bought or sold. Love is true when you have it in yourself to give.

If you cannot give love for me, Mom, that is okay. I love what you gave me, but I do not love the "love" you gave me.

Cruelty is the mother of kindness.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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