It's true. I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was about feminism that made me cringe. I liked boys and I didn't understand why people "hated" them so much. I selfishly still wanted boys to buy my drinks and my dinner and I scoffed at people who said they were majoring in gender, women and sexuality studies. "Why not just major in feminist b*tch?" I specifically remember saying to a friend. I was flattered, rather than offended, when boys would tell me I had a nice butt. I didn't want to burn my bras and cut off all the hair on my head and keep it all on my legs. I remember telling people I was "anti-feminist." I thought feminism was reserved for lesbians and angsty 20-somethings with pixie cuts, neither of which I felt I really fit the mold. As for the wage gap? Well, that couldn't even possibly be a real thing, could it? It certainly didn't seem to affect me. I felt pretty equal already. I didn't need anything else and certainly didn't need to shove men down and make myself superior. Boys wouldn't possibly like me if I aligned myself with people who hated them. It all just seemed so unnecessary.
Oh, how I was so naive.
It took me an embarrassingly long time to change my mind on this. I tried to avoid the subject at all costs. The first person to really make me think about this wasn't a woman at all. It was a man. A man I barely knew. Not only that, but the conversation wasn't even directed at me. In a crowded room, I heard him say, "Of course I am a feminist." At a time when boys from high school were all still busy retweeting Meninist Twitter accounts, I laughed at what I perceived as a joke.
I then heard him say, "Why would I think women shouldn't be equal to men?"
A word I had never heard in all previous discussions of feminism finally made something in my brain click: equal.
After that day, I started on my road to enlightenment and everything that came with it. With the help of new college friends, I was careful to not speak of my previous bias. I read articles and listened to discussions and the information hit me like a brick.
Real. Important. Issues.
Everything I had previously thought about feminism started to make no sense. While my peers were fighting for me, I was backpedaling against them. I was part of the problem.
I realized feminism isn't the dirty word that I had made it out to be.
College changed me. I always thought I would have a job, but I never realized how centrally focused my career would be in my life. I certainly felt I shouldn't be shamed for being ambitious and confident and independent. I shouldn't be weeded out of high-up positions just for being a woman and I definitely shouldn't be paid less than a man for the exact same work.
Feminism isn't about putting down men, burning bras or trashing traditional gender roles. Feminism is about equality. Women should be provided with the same opportunities as men. We shouldn't be objectified and seen as only good for sex, children, cooking and cleaning.
Nobody has the right to my body other than myself, and for the first time, I was confident that I could actually do things on my own. I didn't need to rely on anyone, man or woman, in order to achieve my goals. I was empowered.
I realized that feminism didn't clash with my previous worldview but instead embraced it. It wasn't wrong for me to want to stay home with my future children or have male friends. Feminism supports women - all women, and all men for that matter as well. Whether we choose to fit into traditional gender roles or break from the so-called norm, we are given that option and no woman or man should be put down for their choice.
The next time a young naive girl says she doesn't support feminism, before going off into a rage, take a step back and realize she probably just doesn't understand. Don't exile her for her stereotypical views of feminism. Instead, explain to her what feminism really means. She's still discovering herself and she's going to need all the support she can get. Help her along on her path to discovering feminism. You'll be happy you went along for the ride, because in the end, we all need feminism.
