Broken down and tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally drained. These expressions only partially describe my life feelings at this point. Life has worn me out, but it's okay, I'm alive.
I have had a lot of time to myself to reflect on a lot of things. Relationships, school, and honestly just life in general. Things I really can't explain to people. I've got a sadness in my heart for a lot of people, I have worn myself out with school, and I have let the things of this world tear me down. We all feel like this every once in awhile. While I do not have any "real" life experience, as people call it, everything is enough to take an emotional toll on anyone at some point in time.
I say all this to say: life will knock you down. You think you have it all figured out, when in all honestly, that is nowhere near the truth. Life is laughing at you. My family tries to warn me against what I think is good, when they can see things I can't, but I don't listen, I am bad at listening to warnings, I always think I know best. Now, here I am, lessons learned with a sad heart, but still alive. Drained, but still breathing. Thank You, Lord.
I've relied on God so much through these past few weeks to show me what it is I'm supposed to be learning through my sadness. I don't have all the answers, but I know that God will never leave or forsake me. I chose a relationship over Him, and I left Him, but He never gave up on me. Though people give up on you, God never will. I, recently at one point, looked to people to make me happy, but they just can't. Maybe that's why I'm in this "funk" I'm in.
I am so grateful that I won't feel like this forever and that God truly has a plan for my life. He really does have it all planned out, and though I don't know what those plans are, I trust in Him.
"Unsinkable ships, sink. Unbreakable walls, break. Sometimes the things you think could never happen, happen just like that. Unbendable steel, bends if the fury of the wind is unstoppable. I've learned to never underestimate, the impossible."