Last night, I went to dinner with a good family friend of my mom’s named Donny. He asked what I was studying in school and I told him I was majoring in information management and technology with a minor in women’s and gender studies.

“So are you a feminist?” he asked me. I said yes, and asked him what he thinks of feminism.

He pondered for a minute, and told me he had one problem with the way feminism is represents itself in society. He said, “The one thing that bothers me is that feminists seem to put down other women who want to stay home and just be housewives. It’s their choice of what they want to do with their lives, and yet they get put down for that because they seem to not be ‘living to their full potential in a feminists eyes.”

This is, unfortunately, a true reality. The progression of feminism has been a constant battle with the patriarchy that rules society’s perspective from the beginning of time (the man comes before the woman sort of thing). There is this idea that feminists want to take over the world and cut men’s heads off and run around naked all the time. Please, do not consider that feminism. I would like to remind everyone that the true definition of feminism is, “The advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social and economic equality to men.” Equal is the key word in that definition, but while trying to fight for equality and break the glass ceiling, we tend to forget that not everyone’s personal definition of feminism is the same.

A women can be a feminist and a housewife. For some reason those two things seem to be very contradictory to some people. Certain aspects that seem to be results from the patriarchy can be called out as “bad feminism.” For example, a woman who wears a lot of makeup or wants to be taken care of by a man, those choices are often criticized and seen as abiding to patriarchal standards.

Feminism is a platform that supports people’s differences and wants equality for everyone. It’s not just women fighting to be more aggressive or be more powerful than men or women who follow a more patriarchal lifestyle. A quote from an amazing book entitled "Bad Feminist" by Roxane Gay really puts the idea of being a “bad feminist” into perspective.

“We don’t all have to believe in the same feminism. Feminism can be pluralistic so long as we respect the different feminisms we carry with us, so long as we give enough of a damn to try to minimize the fractures among us.” -- Roxane Gay, "Bad Feminist: Essays"

The conversation with Donny wasn’t the only thing that made me think of the defining layers of feminism recently. This week an essay written by a BuzzFeed movie critic went out about the movie "Suicide Squad." Apart from the terrible reviews the movie itself has received, this particular reviewer went into depth about the character Harley Quinn; played by the modern day goddess, Margot Robbie. This critique talks how the entire squad is mostly tough villains who are released from prison to save the world or something (I’m not a huge comic book fan, so bare with me). But she points out that Harley Quinn is seen as a sexy, yet crazy, object in their team, and nothing more. Apparently, the movie does not try to portray her as a strong female character, and she is there more for something to look and drool over while on screen.

“Sure, Harley is a tricky character, but she’s been shaped into an intensely sexualized mascot for a film that yearns for edginess, but can’t get over the rounded curves of its female lead.” -- Alison Willmore, BuzzFeed News Film Critic.

She also talks about how Harley is a psychological prisoner who changed her normal life to be with Joker in what is seen as an abusive and codependent relationship, because of this, the film is “using and abusing” her. While I do have to agree that the film probably did not handle their abusive relationship well on screen and fed into it rather than trying to save it and be more of a moral to the story, having a “sexualized mascot” isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

From what I know about Harley Quinn, before and after the release of "Suicide Squad," I know she is displayed as sexy villain because that’s who she is. She's a fictional villian. A villain is suppose to be intimidating and make the audience want to explore their wild side. The wilder and more intimidating side for a lot of women is being sexy, not all, but a lot. For me personally, when I trade in my Birkenstocks and messy buns for a tight dress and heels, I do feel empowered. I feel fierce and I want everyone to see me because I feel good! It gives me more confidence to look good and try a little harder every once in awhile. When I see Margot Robbie playing Harley, I think “Holy cow! She’s hot and I love it!” She’s really the only reason the film is getting so much hype in the first place. We have to remember that sexualizing a female character to be intimidating and wild can promote confidence in other women and the freedom of expression through outfits that celebrate femininity...even if it is tiny, shiny, booty shorts. Knocking that down and saying, “That’s not promoting a strong female,” is something that I just don’t agree with. And how we fail to see the layers that feminism comes with.

So it’s important to remember, there is no one way a woman should look or act. There are women who are CEO’s and women who just want to be a wife and a mother. Women who spend two hours doing their makeup and women who wear none at all. Women who want to wear heels and dresses all the time and women who want to wear sweatpants and be comfortable. These women can all be positive displays of feminism, and don’t have to act or dress or believe in a certain way to be a strong female role model or a feminist. Feminists embrace that we are all different in our own ways, and putting another woman down for not following the same ideals as you do is the only kind of bad feminist there is.