Most people have no idea what they ACTUALLY ordered.

The number of times people say they don't like wings because of a certain wing sauce is actually incredible. Why not get a sample if you've never tried it before instead of wasting $10 on wings you don't like? Or why not just get BBQ?

Smiling is KEY to making money.

Even when your customers are being the most annoying people in the history of the planet, just smile through it! The key to making money at a restaurant is not letting on that their 50 questions are, in fact, stupid, and can be answered in the menu itself.

People who don't tip shouldn't eat out.

I make all of my money solely on tips, so when I give excellent service and get stiffed on a $50 bill, it ruins my night. And honestly, you'll know, because I'm not good at hiding my expressions on my face.

A food problem isn't my responsibility,

I didn't make the food, so if there's a problem with it — overdone, undercooked, etc. — just tell me instead of yelling at me or complaining to a manager about the service. All I do is take the order and bring it, so if there's a problem with how it's made, it's not on me.

No one is ever patient.

Unless you've been waiting an exorbitantly long time for your food, like more than 20 minutes, please don't complain to me. I can't speed up time, and if we're really busy, you'll just have to wait. Also, I can't magically bring all your drinks at once, so sorry if your party of 15 doesn't instantaneously get serviced.