I am not an affectionate person. I’m not a hugger, cuddling (unless it’s with my dog) is not my favorite and sharing a bed with someone is my own personal idea of hell. While I may not be a touchy-feely person this does not mean that my heart is cold. I am an incredibly loving person, just not one who likes to be touched.
In one of my introductory Communication classes, we learned about the five love languages; they are: gifts, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch---guess which one is the lowest on my list of priorities? If you guessed physical touch you'd be correct in your assumption! This is not to say that I never want to be touched (it is a natural human instinct to be close to one another) but it is to say that it takes me being extremely comfortable with someone before I can allow them to be affectionate towards me.
Due to many circumstances in my life, I am not the most trusting person. I don't like being touched if it isn't on my terms because intimate acts are a big deal to me (it's fine if you don't agree) even if they are platonic. I have a strong desire for love and connection but that doesn't mean that I want to be pawed at.
Most people seem to think that if you are not physically affectionate by default that you are not a warm person over-all and that is a rather hurtful assumption. Just because I don't immediately want to hug you does not mean that I am uncaring or rude, it just means I have boundaries and this is not how I show I care.
I show I care through spending time with people and getting to know what makes them comfortable, not by asserting my will onto them. This is what you are doing (whether you're aware of it or not) when you see a sad person crying and assume they want a hug or when you meet a stranger who extends a hand and you envelope them while saying "I'm a hugger", well that person may not be and that is okay!
If and when I do decide to be affectionate with people it is a big deal for me, not something to be taken for granted. If I am comfortable enough with you to hug you or kiss you or hold your hand (especially in public) without being awkward it means I have a certain amount of comfort with you as a person. Please understand this about me and people like me, just because I'm physically cold doesn't mean I'm cold hearted. I may reject your hug or recoil from a kiss but it doesn't mean I hate you, it means I'm not open to being touched and you should respect that!
