1. The Guy Who’s Really Excited To Be Irish
This is the guy who talks about how Irish he is 24/7, 365. He lives for St. Patty’s day and has a closet full of green to choose from. This is his Christmas and he’s been blowing up your group chat about kegs and eggs at his place, which place has the best corn beef and cabbage deal, and which authentic Irish bars to include in your pub crawls. He tells you the real his of St. Patrick but we all know he only cares about getting hammered and using his knowledge of Irish history to pick up drunk chicks at the bar.
2. The Frank Gallagher
Good ole Frankie has been slurring his words all week. He’s been pregamming all week so good luck if you are going out with this dude! You’ll most likely find him using the bar to hold himself up or laying on a park bench taking a quick nap in between bars. The best thing about Frank is his ability to rally. Just when you think he’s out, Frank wakes up and is ready to rage again, as long as you hand him a beer!
3. The Bitter Bartender
This poor soul got stuck with a shift on one of the biggest drinking days of the year. You might be thinking that they are about to make some serious green but days like this bring out the worst of the worst in the drinking community. These are not your regular alcoholics and the bitter bartender is stuck serving bad tippers and even worse people who can’t hold their booze. She is not happy to be at work and even less happy to be dealing with the lowest quality of drinker in her opinion.
4. The St. Patty’s Day Virgin
These drunks just turned 21 and are ready to get “turnt” on their first St. Patrick’s Day! In fact, the use of phrases like turnt, HAM, lit, and other things no self-respecting partier would say come flying out of their mouths all night. They are the reason the bitter bartender hates her shift and the people other patrons strive to avoid. The St. Patty’s Day Virgin will spend their night ordering Jager Bombs and washing them down with all the liquors. These misguided youths will find themselves praying to the porcelain gods well before last call.
5. Aspiring Alcoholics
Only a few years out of college, this group is still holding onto their bender lifestyle. They might be holding down a nine to five job but that doesn’t stop this crew from drinking almost every night. They are the true professionals; masters of hiding the hangover. This is the chick who’s always got Advil in her purse and can do her mascara flawlessly while driving. As for the dude in your office who’s always got a gatorade on his desk and wolfs down an egg sandwich before heading into the morning meeting, he’s proudly claimed this title. These are the ones who will start early and shut the place down. Pacing themselves to drink all day, you’ll wonder how they’ve been going since Kegs and Eggs. Don’t worry, it takes practice to get on their level!
