It’s that time of the semester again: course registration. It is a time of stress, confusion and intense competition. You’re pitted against fellow classmates—opponents—in a vicious war over the grand prize: a seat in the best IFP T.A.’s section. Or maybe it’s that 5-hour lab on Wednesday, not Friday. Whatever your classes, course registration is a trying experience for any undergrad, chockfull of supposedly life-altering decisions and stress. Here are the twelve stages of course registration:
1. Apathy
Eh, it’s in a couple of weeks. You don’t need to worry about your schedule for next semester yet. Focus instead on procrastinating for that Expos paper you need to write.
2. Realization
Oh, crap, registration is in three days (and you still haven’t written that paper). Time to buckle down and get your life together.
3. Questioning
Wait, but what is your major, or majors, anyway? Do you really want to go through Orgo? What is your life? What is life?!
4. Frustration
You just can’t seem to fit in all 22 credits that you want to take next semester. And you really don’t want to have all 9ams, so it’s time to move some classes around and make some tough decisions.
5. Contentment
Well, after some deep thinking, you’ve finally created a schedule that you’re semi-satisfied with. Of course, it’s highly dependent on you getting that one Stats section or else you’ll have to revert to Plan D Part 3 (your backup’s backup’s backup).
6. Panic
It’s 6:55 am on registration day. You’ve got your JHU ISIS tab open with the official EST clock open next to that tab. Every minute you’re clicking the “register” button to make sure it works for the 10th time.
7. Resignation
7:00:00am hits, and you click “register.” The wheel of doom appears, and there’s no going back. There’s nothing more you can do
8. Catharsis
After an excruciating long time, the page finally loads. You can barely bear to open your eyes to see the results.
9. Depression
You sink into the utter depths of despair when you realize you’re waitlisted for two of your five classes- time for Plan D Part 3.
10. Anger
Rage engulfs you as you curse the gods of course registration, wishing hellfire to rain down upon campus.
11. Bargaining
You try every tactic to convince your classmates to drop the class you were waitlisted for or to get them to trade sections with you, but every strategy fails (even the cookies you bought from Char Mar).
12. Acceptance
Despite having all 9ams and two labs, you’re ready to buckle down and face the semester. After all, you’re lucky to be attending your university—and there’s always next semester.
