I'm Turning 20 In One Week And It's Giving Me So Much Anxiety, But I Am Ready To Take On What Comes Next
Start writing a post
Student Life

I'm Turning 20 In One Week And It's Giving Me So Much Anxiety, But I Am Ready To Take On What Comes Next

OK but seriously, I'm kinda freaking out.

72
I'm Turning 20 In One Week And It's Giving Me So Much Anxiety, But I Am Ready To Take On What Comes Next

I'm turning 20. The Big 2-0, and I have never felt so much anxiety towards a birthday. With turning into a new decade, I feel like there is so much pressure to accomplish certain things within the next 10 years of my life. I'm going to graduate college, get my first big-girl job, fall in love, move away from my family, get married, and even have kids of my own.

All within the next 10 years.

I do not feel ready for any of this at all. I still feel like there is so much of my life I haven't figured out. There is so much I need to learn about myself and the world before I could ever do any of those things.

However, this takes me back to the past 10 years of my life I have just gone through. When I turned 10 years old, I wasn't panicking about everything I had to accomplish by the time I was 20 — at that time, it felt so far away. Since I was 10 I've traveled the country, graduated high school, fell in love with a college, tried things I never had before, learned to let go, and learned so much more about myself and the world.

But somehow, this birthday feels so much more different. I'm not sure if it's the real-life adulting that's getting to me or the fact that my decisions will be much more permanent, but I'm scared nonetheless.

I'm scared of failure, not living up to expectations, and of not having the life I've always dreamed of.

It sounds silly, but the fear is so real.

Typically, I am counting down the days till my birthday in absolute anticipation. However, this year I am dreading the day and trying to cherish every moment I'm still considered a "teenager". I may not be looking forward to it, but I'm ready. Ready for the inevitable mistakes and lows and also for the wins and highs. I know life will balance itself out, and I just have to go through the motions with my head held high.

Here's to turning 20 and to the decade of my dreams.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

Alone At The Met

I survive a day alone in NYC.

1984
Wikimedia Commons

It was six in the evening. I was sitting in the courtyard of a Renaissance-era Italian villa, glancing around at the statues, most notably one of a boy removing a thorn from his foot. Despite the supposedly relaxing setting, I was incredibly anxious. My phone was at less than 5 percent battery, and once it died I would be completely disconnected from my family and peers, alone in one of the largest art museums in the country.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

College 101: How To Ease The Back To School Blues

Getting back into the school groove when you just can't seem to let go of summer.

6632
Beyond The States

With fall classes just beginning, many of us find ourselves struck with summer withdrawals. Especially for those who refrained from taking courses over the summer, it can be quite difficult to get back in the swing of things. Fortunately, there are various ways to help make the transition back to college as smooth as possible.

Keep Reading... Show less
Dating Apps

We Met At A Bar

Salvage what you can; if you can't, it's alright to walk away.

5139
We Met At A Bar
Anne Waldon

We met at a bar.

Keep Reading... Show less
Sports

The Mets And Me

They may be the worst sometimes, but this baseball team has given me more than I could ask for.

4312
Rich Schultz/Getty Images

On September 3rd, 2001, a sea of children littered my home's navy-carpeted den to watch baseball during my dad's 40th birthday extravaganza. A baseball game flickered on the TV, and a red and blue bubble of a scoreboard sat in the bottom right corner of the screen. The New York Mets and the Philadelphia Phillies were in a wild game at Veterans' Stadium. As I, a five-year-old boy with a jumble of curly blonde hair, sat in the back of the kid clump, I wondered which team I should root for. After a long debate with myself, I decided that I should root for the team that's winning (duh). But, as the ninth inning rolled around with the Phils maintaining a 7-5 lead, some magic occurred. The Mets put up five runs in one frame, stunning the Phillie fans in the room and winning the game 10-7.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Which BTS Member You Are Based On Your Star Sign

If you love BTS, I'm sure you relate to one or many of them in several ways. This star test will help you learn more about which member you are most connected to.

3284
Which BTS Member You Are Based On Your Star Sign

Astrological signs tell a lot about a person. Do you ever wonder what your BTS bias star sign is? Is it the same as yours, or or are you more like one of the other amazing members? Take a look and find out what yours (and the members of Bangtan) says about you.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments