I'm turning 20. The Big 2-0, and I have never felt so much anxiety towards a birthday. With turning into a new decade, I feel like there is so much pressure to accomplish certain things within the next 10 years of my life. I'm going to graduate college, get my first big-girl job, fall in love, move away from my family, get married, and even have kids of my own.

All within the next 10 years.

I do not feel ready for any of this at all. I still feel like there is so much of my life I haven't figured out. There is so much I need to learn about myself and the world before I could ever do any of those things.

However, this takes me back to the past 10 years of my life I have just gone through. When I turned 10 years old, I wasn't panicking about everything I had to accomplish by the time I was 20 — at that time, it felt so far away. Since I was 10 I've traveled the country, graduated high school, fell in love with a college, tried things I never had before, learned to let go, and learned so much more about myself and the world.

But somehow, this birthday feels so much more different. I'm not sure if it's the real-life adulting that's getting to me or the fact that my decisions will be much more permanent, but I'm scared nonetheless.

I'm scared of failure, not living up to expectations, and of not having the life I've always dreamed of.

It sounds silly, but the fear is so real.

Typically, I am counting down the days till my birthday in absolute anticipation. However, this year I am dreading the day and trying to cherish every moment I'm still considered a "teenager". I may not be looking forward to it, but I'm ready. Ready for the inevitable mistakes and lows and also for the wins and highs. I know life will balance itself out, and I just have to go through the motions with my head held high.

Here's to turning 20 and to the decade of my dreams.