Growing up as the oldest in the family is always something to complain about, but when faced with the death, divorce, or abandonment of a parent as the oldest child, you have some serious responsibility to take on. The responsibility includes taking care of the other siblings, learning how to take care of the household, and how to find a job to help make the monthly payments. But growing up without a dad isn't only tough on the oldest, it's tough on anyone who has ever had to go through it.
You learn that nothing is ever going to be the same. Plain and simple. Women will never have the chance to be walked down the aisle by someone who little girls dream of marrying someday. Men will never have that role model they were supposed to have who teaches them how to treat a girl. In fact, growing up without a dad can ultimately change your life. I find that the older I get, the more empty I feel without a father to call when I need some advice or have exciting news. As a girl, I don't have that fatherly love most others are fortunate to have or a protective force when I feel heartbreak.
The truth is when I see others with their father, it makes me imagine how different my life would be if he was here. How different everything could have been if only my dad was in the picture. But the truth is, I don't want others to feel sorry for me. I don't want other people to look at me as a fatherless child and tell me they can't imagine themselves in my shoes. Instead, I want to share my story and use it to tell others how I've grown through it. How different my life is because of it and how much it has shaped me to be who I am today.
I am a stronger individual because of what happened to me. That moment in my life does not define who I am because I took the most of it and learned from it. I learned that life is short and that if you have the chance to spend time with someone do it or you will regret all the time that you lost. I learned that I am an independent person that is both strong-willed and determined to do what I say I am going to do. I learned that I can come back from tragedy and stand tall when everything else is falling down. I learned that I love a little differently than most because of my experience, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't love. I've learned that I can take care of myself without needing a man in my life.
The truth is, I'm okay without a father in my life. I'm used to it and while I don't wish anyone to grow up without one, life happens. Because the truth is growing up without a father made me stronger. The truth is, the fatherless are not alone because 24 million children live in a biological absent father home. And we have a hole in the shape of our father that is in our soul. A hole that leaves a wound that is not easily healed. A hole that my father is unwilling or unable to fix and the truth is, nothing can change that.
The truth is my dad broke my heart before any boy ever could.
