"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" Psalm 27:13-14

'not yet'

He whispers to my anxious heart.

soon, soon will I taste the deliverance of the Lord,

the answer to fervent, tearful prayers.

so I waited: weeks, months, years.

and still I wait.

the Lord and I must have very different perceptions

on what 'soon' means.

I thought sorrow only lasted a night.

please, when will the sun rise

with joy and healing in its rays?

in these dark days of waiting

when my heart feels unchanged −

still hurting, still confused,

still in need of restoration −

remind me that

change is gradual,

often imperceptible,

inscrutable to my child's eyes.

change doesn’t happen in one day.

but my faithful Father is always working.

He promises me that

change is happening

at this very moment

my heart becomes less bitter,

my attitude more freely loving,

my life more in line with His glorious image.

perfectly in process,

messy but somehow beautiful

because there's hope:

hope that even though it feels like

nothing is growing in this hard heart of mine

I will someday be able to look back

to see His wonderful working

and just how far He's carried me.

it all comes down to trust

in His shepherd's heart.

trust and waiting:

the two words that I constantly wrestle with

as they appear at the corner of every dream

and every request,

the two words so essential to prayer:

trust and waiting.