A year ago, I was in a very different place in my life than I am now. It’s amazing how so much can change over one year. My life was great. My family was normal, and I was a good kid who was involved in a lot of activities. So I never felt like I had a life-changing testimony to tell people about my life and faith. I looked at other people’s lives and thought, “Wow, they have this incredible story to tell and are bringing people closer to Christ.” I was just the second oldest of seven children in a loving Christian home where we all played musical instruments, played sports and got good grades. Pretty normal, right?
If you would have told me that I would be where I am now, I would have laughed in your face.
If you would have said that my faith would be tested, I would lose certain friends, gain others and have nights where I would cry uncontrollably into my friend’s arms, then I wouldn’t have listened to you because my life was fine.
If you would have told me that my grandpa would pass away, my two-year relationship would end, my family would be torn up over the issue of gender dysphoria and my mom would have a brain aneurysm, which would take her months to recover from, I wouldn’t have believed you.
But here I am, without a grandfather, without a boyfriend, battling with what my faith believes and working with my family to take care of my mother and help her health progress.
This article is in no way supposed to be my sob story. I am not asking you to read about how hard things have been or to feel sorry for me. In fact, I can look back at everything and say, “I am not the same girl as I was a year ago, and I’m proud of that.”
Everything started going "wrong" around Thanksgiving last year, which is when I started to feel like I didn’t have it all together anymore. I don’t think anyone ever has it all together, but I wanted to. I thought if I didn’t have it together all the time that I would be failing someone in my life. This past month especially I have learned a lesson that changed my outlook on life and has helped me move forward.
“Thy will be done” is the phrase that I cling to. It reminds me that I am not in charge of the future, and I have no control over what will happen. It is God's will that will be done, and his plan is perfect. I always wanted to have control over my life, but in the end, the more I tried to control things, the worse it got. When I fully gave up my worry and control and trusted God completely, things got better.
I am happier. I am stronger. I am hopeful.
I can attribute all of these feelings to how God has worked in my life. God's plan is so perfect, and I can't even begin to imagine what he has in store for me. I know, you are probably thinking, "Wow, that is so cliche." Well, yes it is kind of cliche, but it is also so true. I have no idea what my job will be someday, who my husband will be, or what my life will be like a year from now. But I take so much comfort in knowing that God has led me to this point, and I have so much to be thankful for. I can take everything that has happened in this past year and knows that it contributed to who I am today and who I will be in the future.
It's not easy to give up control or to believe that everything will be okay in the midst of everything going poorly. Sometimes you want to be angry that these things have happened to you, and you wonder how your life got to this place. I know I did this and will probably do that again in the future. But take comfort in knowing that God has a perfect plan and that you can trust in him. He is not going to let you suffer or be lost.
Thy will be done.
