The God who created your struggles does love you. Our God created these struggles for purposes beyond our knowledge. I have experienced this personally recently.
The hardest part about college has been being sick, away from home, without my parents. My parents have always been my shelter. I look to them for guidance, seeing as though my faith in God was not as strong as it is now. I have been in and out of the doctor's offices, had multiple opinions and still, nothing has seemed to go right for my health. It is one of the most frustrating times of my life, especially when these people are educated in these subjects, but they can't figure out why you're in so much pain. I started falling behind in my classes, my practice hours dropped drastically each week, I had to drop a course because I was missing in-class discussions. Outside of the classroom, I have kept up with the workload, the best I can. My professors are so very understanding and I appreciate them so very much. My first semester of my freshman year has been physically and emotionally challenging.
Lately, God has kept me in bed (at school, where I feel the most hopeless) and it seems like He just wants me to talk to Him. I was resenting Him. I kept asking Him, "Why now, God?" When I wake up mid-night with the worst stomach pains, I say "REALLY, GOD?" "Why can't this happen tomorrow after classes?" "God, this is too much, why?" And He remains silent. It was causing anger and distress. My physical pain keeps me up from the time I wake up out of sleep, in the night, until around lunch time the next day. I cry a lot. Not only am I sick in a communal bathroom (instead of the comfort of my own home), where I wake people up in the middle of the night, I wake my roommate up every time I leave and re-enter the room. I have been struggling with social interactions more than ever; I always feel like I need to duck and cover.
It's not that I can't get through this with God's help; it's the mentality that He hasn't provided me the answers to get through this immediately. I have been upset, I have been hurt, I have been angry and mean, insensitive and apathetic.
I realize that in this moment, enough is enough. This is enough. I have started to QUESTION God, the God who created me. The God that loves me. The God that blessed and continues to bless me. The God that lets me wake up another morning. The God that provides me with the means to do many other things. I have no right to question a creator, I have no right to question omnipotence. God is God. God is all. God is love. God has purpose. His will has purpose. His struggles make your journey what it is. Without struggle, what are we? Without hardships, would faith still exist? God has challenged my faith on drastic measures.
God isn't out to get me. He isn't out to harm any of us. He will give us more than we can handle, but that's because, with Him, we can handle it. Instead of blaming God during our struggle, we should thank Him for His faithfulness and His love and His mercy. There are blessings at the end of every journey. My illness is not a shot from God, it's a blessing. Looking at it like this has helped me humble myself more to Him. I don't need to ask "Why does this have to be me?" I need to ask "God, how can we get through this?"
To anyone who is struggling, whatever it may be, there is purpose, intent. God is intentional, as we should be with our lives and the decisions we make. As you go throughout your days, try to look at everything as a stepping stone, it's a piece of your story that He has written. It's not just thrown at you for no reason. Catch it and run with it. He has a purpose for it.
