During the last five years, I have experienced multiple ups and downs. However, each of those events taught me something new.

The common thread in these series of events is the undeniable importance of second chances. This phrase resonates in my mind,Second Chance.

Whether it’s burning bridges in relationships, friendships, or anything else negative that we feel badly about, we ask for forgiveness; and if we receive that forgiveness, that is called a second chance.

There are times in our lives that we make lots of mistakes for unknown reasons. But I still remember one of the biggest events in my life, and that is the one that I feel the most remorse for. Without thinking, I did something out of anger towards someone and once those emotions were released, I realized the damage that I had caused. Nobody around me knew what was going on, but deep inside I knew my actions did not portray the person that I am. Therefore, I had to make things right. I spoke the truth, came clean with my actions and sincerely asked for forgiveness that I did not deserve but with time, received.

I have learned these last few years that negative curve-balls are thrown at you when you are not even looking, and how you handle the situation shows more about your character than anything else. There are two common ways that situations are handled. Preferably, I find that I get along better with honest people that know how to have a conversation and handle things in that matter. The second way a lot of people handle situations, which I do not agree with, is just deleting the person from their life; also known as blocking the person off social media. I personally do not have the time or care in the world to handle a situation that way, maybe in high-school I did, but what difference does it make? You are still going to see the person around, and you are still going to have to deal with them. It takes a lot more energy to hate someone, and I don’t have a single spec of energy in me to waste on that sort of negativity. I would rather talk things out, find the logic or reasoning behind the damaging action, and either part ways in a cordial manner or find a reason to move past the mistake and give the person a second chance.

When I apologize for my mistakes, I also make it a point to make them whole. I am determined to make them feel good about their decision in trusting me—and because of that, I believe in second chances.

We all make mistakes; however, if one is sincere with words and the apology is authentic, I have come to learn that not everyone else feels the same way. Thus, I strongly believe in giving second chances. I remember the feeling inside me during times when I was genuinely sorry; if I feel that there is sincere remorse, I will give the person a second chance because I’ve been in their shoes.

I have a hard time believing in giving anyone a third chance. The prospect of needing a third chance shows that you cannot be trusted with your words. Therefore, why would I ever trust you again?

For example, in relationships, if one partner commits infidelity, we sometimes look the other way making excuses for them. This defense mechanism is used because we all want to believe in the expression, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.” But admitting to giving a “third chance” is degrading and embarrassing. We convince ourselves that the person in question will somehow change. But my experience tells me they never do.

At one point, I was one that made too many excuses for someone I cared about, and never called it “another chance,” because I was sucked into toxicity and in denial about it. Because of the mistakes I have made, and for the trust I have confided in people, every second chance was a blessing or a lesson. But the one thing I learned from it all is that people don’t change. As hard as it is to accept the fact, it is the only choice we have to protect ourselves from allowing our trust to be broken again, because that is what emotionally scars us for life.

Sometimes we make permanent mistakes based off our temporary emotions. It is called being selfish, and we are all guilty of hurting someone else for our own happiness.

How do we know if the “red” line has been crossed with a granted second chance? When we give a person another opportunity to prove themselves to us, we are either taking the chance of letting them hurt us again or the chance to build a stronger relationship. Those that betray again do it because they “think” they will be forgiven again; this means that there are no more standards in action or respect for the forgiveness that was given because they believe and get comfortable knowing that no matter what, they will not lose you. Out of a myriad of people who were given a second chance, only a handful of them ended up truly deserving it. Those select few learned from their mistakes and valued the second chance, and for that I respect them more than I ever did.