Trust Me, You Don't Want Her Life

Trust Me, You Don't Want Her Life

The thing is, you don't really know what anyone's life is like.

It’s Sunday night, and despite your unproductive (yet entertaining) weekend of debauchery, you’re scrolling through your Insta feed rather than doing your homework. We’ve all been there—the bed is plush beneath you, the lighting is dim, and your eyes are idle as they skim along with the scroll of your thumb.

Then, just like that, you come across a picture—it could be the girl your old hookup is currently seeing, or it could be an Insta famous model or actress. Regardless, you ignore the natural inclination to keep scrolling, and succumb to your inner urge to click on her name.

Ah, here you are, on her profile. At first, you peruse the overview. Then, you start clicking on pictures that look particularly interesting. Before you know it, you’re starting from the top, wasting away hours upon hours as you scroll from start to finish.

You don’t stop here; if it’s not her, it’s someone else. You may get bored with one person's feed, so you move on until someone else's picture strikes your fancy enough to investigate her further. Each time, you groan, feeling pathetic for vocally acknowledging just how much you’re comparing yourself to her.

No matter how much your friends compliment your intelligence, humor, or beauty, you have no power over the instant comparisons you make between you and whoever is your latest stalking victim.

You envy her style, her "cool" aura, or her clever captions. Perhaps you envy her dog, her pretty friends, or her ability to post seamless selfie after selfie... after selfie.

“I want her life,” you think to yourself.

Play it off like it’s nothing, but I heard you. Listen, I understand that the way she has depicted her life looks desirable to you. However, before you fantasize about what life would truly be like if you were she, there are some things you should know.

First of all, Instagram "models" get paid to promote products. If we're talking about genuine models, like Alexis Ren, or even high-profilers like Gigi Hadid or Kendall Jenner, yes, they are paid to tag brands, makeup companies, restaurants, etc. in their photos. Yeah, that sounds amazing (and it probably is), but modeling is their career.

If you, like me, are in college, work, or do both, I'm sorry, but you do not have the life of a model. Models wake up, make breakfast, and work out. Their day literally consists of keeping their bodies picture perfect and going to photo shoots because that’s what they are paid to do.

You have your own life outside of that. You simply do not have the time to box, lift, and squat all day, so please don't expect your body to look like theirs. They work hard, and I'm sure you do too, but there are only so many hours in a day. While they do what they need to do for their jobs, you need to prioritize based on your own life and work.

Continuing, if you're stalking one of those seemingly "Insta famous" girls from your school, please, just stop. Do you know how they got famous? They got one of their friends to take a "hot" picture of them (or maybe they even hired a professional photographer), then they DMed that picture to a famous “hot girl” account that, in turn, posted the photo, tagged the girl, and got her thousands of followers.

In other words, the assumption cannot be made that more followers means more friends. In fact, someone could have thousands—or even millions—of followers, and could still go to bed lonely.

That being said, did you just say you want her life? I'm sorry, but I'm not sure you're conceptualizing the severity of that sentence. "I want her life" is more than, "I want her style, her smile, or her celebrity boyfriend." "I want her life," means you want everything that comes along with it.

Honestly, I don't care if you're talking about Blake Lively. The thing is, you don't really know what anyone's life is like. Sure, you can guess, but you don't know the quality of their friendships, their relationships with their parents and families, or the traumas of their past.

You don't know what their future holds, what's really in their bank account, or how they feel on a day-to-day basis. All you know is that, based on how they've painted the picture of their life, you want the all-encompassing version of whatever it is that they have.

Please, don't waste your time wanting something that isn't yours to have. Your experiences, your memories, your body, your mind, your talents, and your faults—they’re all unique and your own. You're not only belittling the value of your own life, but you're also betting on something intangible. You're betting, not on the reality of a person's life, but on the idea of it.

In actuality, what stares back at you from a screen may not be the whole truth—there are countless stories not being told. The girl with the beautiful smile? She was abused as a child. The girl with the perfect looking boyfriend? He hit her in college. The girl with the killer job? Her dad doesn't call. You don't know about her drug addiction, her eating disorder, or the fact that she used to cut. You don't know how lost and isolated she felt in high school, or how many nights she cried herself to sleep, exhausted by the chase of perfection.

There's a chance that you've experienced all of those things, and maybe even worse. Maybe you dabbled in homelessness—maybe you've never been happy with your appearance. Maybe you've lost a loved one. What's more, maybe you've never known what it's like to be loved.

The point is, we all have our demons. We all have things we love about ourselves, and things we hate about ourselves. And unfortunately, we all have the ability to—more so than ever before—look at what someone else has and deem it as more valuable than what we have. However, you can't gauge a lifetime of experiences from a single Instagram feed.

I know comparisons are human nature, but please, never say you want someone else's life. As great as her hair may seem, and as much as she seems like someone you'd like to be, in most cases, you know nothing about her—or at least about the things that matter. You know a facade, an image carefully crafted day after day, and woven into the idea of a life.

So, instead of focusing on what someone else has built for the world to see, instead construct an exceptional—albeit imperfect—life of your own.

"Listen—are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?" ~Mary Oliver

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.


Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Walking Away is Not the Answer: Even in Government

We can't expect to be a strong nation if we cannot even listen to each other.


Recently my friend, Jay, reached out to me asking "opinion on this?" and sent me a video on Del. Nick Freitas. It was an old video, but I watched it anyway.

Freitas stood on the floor of the Virginia House of Delegates, expressing his views on gun rights and the attitude of the Democratic party towards the Republican party. At first, I was upset by the language used by Freitas. But as I continue watching I see a different problem; all the Democrats who walk out of the room.

My heart sinks. How are we suppose to ask the other side to sit and listen when we cannot do the same. No matter what party you're affiliated with, or where on the political spectrum you lie, it is upsetting to see people leave a room in a political discussion. Jay considers himself to be conservative and he knows that I'm pretty liberal, but we often ask each other opinions on political things and talk about them, without getting upset.

It can be difficult to listen to something, especially if you don't agree with it on a basic moral level, but don't leave. In romantic relationships, if one person leaves in the middle of an argument, the other feels hurt and unheard. It is impossible for there to be communication when half of the whole is not there. More than four in five people in a guardian survey said poor communication played a role in a previous failed relationship.

If we want our government to work, if we want the relationship between the democratic and republican party to work, then we have to be able to listen to each other. We have to be able to sit across the aisle from someone we don't agree with and continue to sit there as they discuss what they feel.

This plays out on both sides. It is impossible for the one to make a relationship of two, work. We have to be in this together. No matter what. No matter how mad the other side makes us, no matter how much they hurt our feelings. We promised to be there. Through thick and thin. We said from the beginning when we first became a country, that we would stick together. When we went through a tough time when the north was going to split from the south, we stuck together. When wars waged and we had to save our friends, we stuck together. We cannot let anger and fear tear us apart after we have been through so much.

If we are going to make this work; not just for the next two years, not just for the next century, not just until a better country comes along. If we are going to really make it, then we have to be there for each other. Until the end. Till death do us part.

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