I used to wish for things like six-pack abs and no more acne. I literally used to kneel down in church, thank God for my family, and think I had nothing better to ask for than physical upgrades. Occasionally, I would ask for guidance on tests or include an extra person on my list of people to keep in mind, but mostly I stuck to what I thought I needed. At a time when all I wanted was cuter clothes or to score a certain amount of points in a basketball game or to catch the eye of a crush, I was so zeroed in on the surface level aspects of life. I was convinced that having things were important and that possessions made me happy. I have come to find that I was so very wrong.

Things happen in life that makes you realize you have so much more to pray for. Not just to ask for, but to be thankful for. I should ask for patience, that my urge to go two steps faster is mellowed down along with my frustration stemming from anything or anyone moving a notch slower than that. I should ask for clarity, that I can assess what comes my way and find meaning out of it to be applied to my life. Sometimes I need to ask for purpose so I can stay the course and find comfort in my path. Rarely will I pray for these things, the intangible things I truly need, in addition to the basics. Rarely will I thank god that I have a warm bed to sleep in, clothes on my back or the funds to eat as I please. Rarely do I ask for safety, well-being, good health, or positive outcomes.

I think it's because I have always expected these things. Life has treated me well and I've grown sort of accustomed to things working out in my favor, knowing the basics would always be there. This is such a dangerous mindset to have. Instead of always being thankful for the little things and maybe even not working for something, you expect things to be okay just because they have been in the past. Like you'll tell yourself you don't need to study because you think you know enough. Like when you don't train as hard because you think on race day you'll just show up and perform. It's naive and highly ungrateful.

This phase of, for lack of a better word, cockiness, will surely swoop over people at least once in a lifetime. Often, when things are going perfectly like nothing could go wrong, this mindset takes over. And unfortunately, the only way to snap out of it sometimes is for something to go wrong, in one way or another. Then, the issue is bouncing back from that. When you go from being so high up on life to feeling like everything is for nothing, it's hard to regain any kind of confidence, not to be confused with cockiness. This is why we need to ask for the little things, the intangibles.

I know now that safety takes priority over new clothes and clarity is much more important than some lines on my stomach. You don't always remember that every day. And sometimes you don't remember to ask for things you already have or are capable of having. Try not to expect, remember to work for everything, and pray for what you need, not what you want.