How do I forget, when everything is a reminder?

After all, I can’t stop breathing, hearing, seeing, or feeling

So I am a prisoner of my thoughts, and myself

I am completely vulnerable, and at any moment in time

In a constant battle with my mind, senses and emotions

A virtual infinite target of my own demons

Songs, foods, images, smells, situations, or words

that may have no significant meaning to others

Can instantly summon horrifying images to me

Of things that I have seen, things that I’ve endured

With the slightest scent of newsprint

I am a little girl in a familiar scary place

chaotic and cluttered, filthy and hazardous

surrounded by newspaper towers the length of the wall

I am passionate of all things music, and will sing every note

Until a particular song happens to come on

Suddenly I am engulfed in sorrow

feeling trapped and terrified

and I’m the target of relentless mental torture

These are two examples out of hundreds that I live with

and sometimes it is so hard to cope

No matter how hard I try or how badly I want to

It is something I cannot control

I refuse to hide, and I'm tired of being afraid

The following is an informational segment on the many aspects of trauma related triggers. It gives examples of common triggers for every sense.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-a-trigger/

Sight

Often someone who resembles the abuser or who has similar traits or objects (ie. clothing, hair color, distinctive walk).

Any situation where someone else is being abused (ie. anything from a raised eyebrow and verbal comment to actual physical abuse).

The object that was used to abuse

The objects that are associated with or were common in the household where the abuse took place (ie. alcohol, piece of furniture, time of year).

Any place or situation where the abuse took place (ie. specific locations in a house, holidays, family events, social settings).

Sound

Anything that sounds like anger (ie. raised voices, arguments, bangs and thumps, something breaking).

Anything that sounds like pain or fear (ie. crying, whispering, screaming).

Anything that might have been in the place or situation prior to, during, or after the abuse or reminds her/him of the abuse (ie. sirens, foghorns, music, cricket, chirping, car door closing).

Anything that resembles sounds that the abuser made (ie. whistling, footsteps, pop of can opening, tone of voice).

Words of abuse (ie. cursing, labels, put-downs, specific words used).

Smell

Anything that resembles the smell of the abuser (ie. tobacco, alcohol, drugs, after shave, perfume).

Any smells that resemble the place or situation where the abuse occurred (ie. food cooking ,wood, odors, alcohol).

Touch

Anything that resembles the abuse or things that occurred prior to or after the abuse (ie. certain physical touch, someone standing too close, petting an animal, the way someone approaches you).

Taste

Anything that is related to the abuse, prior to the abuse or after the abuse (ie. certain foods, alcohol, tobacco).