A lot of people feel trapped by their small-town lives and I am one of these people. The world seems so boundless, and our stagnant lives seem so captive. We want to get out and explore everywhere, but sometimes, we discover how important our homes are once we have left them. I’m sure I knew it before, but studying abroad has reminded me of what that means.
Just last week, I had one of those experiences, and I felt a bit overwhelmed by how much I need my home to be something reliable in my life.
I was driving through the gentle green hills of Ireland. The fields freckled by dandelions tripped and buckled into each other, leaving little creases for the dawdling creaks. Knee high ancient stone walls marked each small section of land, ivy crawling up and in between the rocks in secret patterns. Every few minutes, a herd of sheep would pass my window, their cotton wool rippling in the wind.
I was listening to my iPod and a song called “Cecilia and the Satellite” by Andrew McMahone started playing. He sings, “For all the places I have been, I’m no place without you.”
I stared out the window, in awe of the majesty of the moment, but wondering what it all was worth. At that time, I realized that Ireland was nothing without my family, who is my home.
Don’t get me wrong, Europe is the most beautiful, extravagant, humbly glorious place I have ever been; but it is not home. Here, I am lonely. Here, I long to curl up on my couch with a book and my dog. I want to play a horrible board game with my family and fight over who is winning. I want to have a water fight with my brothers and go to the mall with my sisters. I want to bake cookies with my mom and debate politics with my dad. I want to feel safe and comfortable.
However, I don’t want to go home yet. I don’t want home instead of the things I am experiencing in Europe. I want both, but I am recognizing that there is a time for each to be good for me. Right now, Europe the best thing for my life. It is new and scary and adventurous, and I am learning so much about myself, about God and about the world He created. I am surrounded by grace and truth, and every day is a lesson in and of itself. I am learning about theology, art and history, but also about forgiveness, justice and love. I am reminded daily of how huge the world is and how wonderful it is to be able to contribute to it.
The thing is, though, I am growing so much, but I never feel safe, comfortable or deeply loved here. I don’t feel the things that home makes me feel. And those are good and important feelings to maintain.
I have been so many places, but none of it means anything if I don’t have someone to go home to.
Traveling and seeing the world is incredibly imperative, and I suggest you all do it. I hope you get to explore, and I hope you get to do that alone, because you’ll learn more about yourself when you do. The solitude will let you be enlightened in ways you never thought possible. But I also hope you have someone to go home to when you’re done.
Yes, home can be a little cramping and the world is so much bigger. Go explore, do weird things, eat strange foods, surprise yourself. But go home sometimes. Take a break and dwell in the peace and comfort of the people who will always love you and make you feel safe. They make the adventure all worth it.
