Maybe this is why I have so many issues. Maybe it's because you said I would end up like my mother, you said that I would end up strong and independent but you meant it as an insult. You didn't really use those words, but that's what I decided to take out off it. Making your negative into positive like I had to do with most things. Maybe I have so many issues because you were forcing me to be apart of a family that didn't claim me as their own, and how am I supposed to learn how to love myself when the people around me didn't? Maybe I have so many issues because you thought to pay child support made you father of the year because you thought to buy gifts made you a present father. Maybe I have so many issues because you thought me loving my mother was me choosing sides, and how did you expect a child to make those types of decisions. Maybe I have so many issues because you wanted me to leave her the way you did like she hasn't been through enough already. Maybe I have so many issues because you belittle the women who raised three of her children and still have the audacity to tell her to do better. Maybe I have so many issues because you got to pick and choose when to be a father so I had to decide I didn't need a dad.

My first break up was with my father and maybe that's why I have a hard time letting guys leave me. Looking for the love that I lost in them, not looking for them to be a dad but looking for them to love me infinitely the way that my father should've. I don't want to be the girl that says she has daddy issues but I'm a girl with daddy issues. A therapist, a psychologist, and a prescription for medication aren't going to change that. I would love to be able to blame all of my issues on my father but I know that isn't true. I get all my stubbornness and hardheadedness from him and so I understand why he never heard the problems that I spoke of. There is only so much one person can take, especially at such a young age and I was through with dealing with it.

I often get a lot of crap for not talking to my father by choice. The way I see it is if I'm not going to allow a random toxic person in my life, labeling a person father isn't going to change that. You only live one life, do not spend it with people just because a social norm says so. A person should not spend their life worried about someone who isn't there. Your progress in life does not depend on one person. Yes, everytime someone asks about my father I am quick to say that I don't have one. That is because I have made so many different accomplishments without one. It's okay to drop parents and family members that are toxic. It's better to live without someone then to have them impact your life negatively.