Some occasionally call it tough love, but that's the only kind I've known. You're not going to cry, you're better than that. You're not ever going to let it get to you, you've got a huge wall up and it's strong. You, girl, are tougher than that. That circumstance, that person, that obstacle. And you will have that mentality from the day you're taught to play it up.
I'm at my best when I'm strong. Arms crossed, know what I'm talking about, spirit about me kind of strong. Like even though most people can, I believe that no one can touch me. And because I grew up sucking it up, putting bad behind and trying to be better, shoving anything big and scary down as far as it'd fit, there's so much of life that I haven't actually toughed out all the way.
Tough girls need to feel. They have to. I should've let myself feel all that sooner. See, what happens is you well up and push it right back down, get mad, make your 'grrr' face, then press through.
But down there, you know where all that stuff you pushed down is, you have no idea how to deal with that stuff you think you're strong enough to handle in the moment. And when you can see that all your struggles and obstacles have stuck with you, challenging you all this time and contributing to every reaction you have, you realize that no circumstance, no situation, no person was ever tougher on you than yourself.
What if love is tough? I mean, geez, is it ever easy? How do you really even get to that 'love' place? Maybe for the first time or maybe all over again or maybe maintaining what you already have.
Letting down your big tough wall then getting through someone else's big tough wall and becoming so so weak to anything that culminates that love. You can't help it, and that wall of yours, you know whatever front you want to put up, doesn't shield you from the strength of that kind of love. And boy is that tough.
How about if you only give tough love to yourself? Is that good? I mean, that's the same as being honest with yourself, isn't it?
Yeah, but give yourself a break. All you've known in your life is that your skin is thick. Whether life is tough, love is tough, or you aren't, you really have this power and natural habit of getting yourself together.
I know it's tough but catch your breath, let yourself see how acknowledging your weaknesses makes you your real best. Let go, unclench your fists, put down the fight, and be vulnerable to life's course.
You have no idea how tough love is until you figure out how to love yourself when you are at your weakest, which in reality, is more often than you think.
