"Dad,"

Looking back, we had some good moments throughout my childhood. For those moments, I am forever thankful.

Unfortunately, those memories of you are overshadowed by the decisions you have made that ultimately left a hole in my life.

I know that you didn't mean to hurt me, but you have left me more damage than you, or even I, could ever understand.

I still remember the day that I got the call that you had overdosed and were in the ICU. I was disappointed and hurt, but honestly not surprised.

I was 14.

I remember standing there.

Standing over your body.

The only thing keeping you alive were machines.

You woke up three days later, but wouldn't even face your family.

You were as disappointed in yourself as we were in you.

Now that I am older I know that your alcoholism and drug addiction were way more complicated than I had imagined as a child.

Your addiction may have started off as a "choice," but it quickly became a disease that would require hard work to overcome. I also knew that YOU had to be the one in control. YOU had to be the one to take the first step, not me, nor my sister, nor mom, nor anyone but yourself.

You had to decide that there was someone or something in your life more important than your next drink or high.

I am sorry that I could not be that for you.

Sometimes I still wonder why you could never even admit to having a problem.

You never even asked for help or support during your battles. I would have been there for you, without even a hesitation. I would have done anything to have been given the chance to regain my father.

However, what I wonder most of all, the questions that still haunt me to this day are..

Why couldn't you see that you were important enough?
Why weren't we important enough?
Why wasn't I important enough?

Lastly, I want to say thank you.

One of the greatest things you ever did for me was leave me. I am forever grateful for your abandonment.

Because of you, I know what its like to feel lost and powerless.

Because of you, I know what it feels like to have loved and have lost.

Because of you, I learned that people will not stay with me forever.

I know what despair feels like.

You leaving made me stronger, better, more alive.

You leaving made me into the caring, loving person that I am today.

So, thank you.

I love you and hope that you can get clean, before it's too late.

Love, your daughter.. who would have given everything for you.