The connotation that comes with the designation, frat star, seems to be a negative one attached with money, narcissistic behavior and a general all-around disregard for others.
Some of these connotations may be true, but some are gross exaggerations from people expressing their inferiority complex. Either way, most of our job and internship hunts are in full effect and it’s a cut-throat atmosphere, full of strong handshakes and fake smiles. So, I’ve come up with five jobs, listed below, that are the epitome of what postgrad frat life should consist of. Now, I’m not saying if you don’t have one of these jobs you’ll never been cool again, but it drastically limits your chances. Always remember, it’s not the grades you make, but the hands you shake.
Copywriter: Fraternities are always coming up with hilarious shirt ideas and ridiculous signs and chants at nearly every school, throughout the country. This creativity is perfect for the role of a copywriter and if there is a bigger frat star combination than Don Draper/Roger Sterling, please let me know. I’m more of a Roger Sterling guy, but either way, working for an ad agency is a perfect place for the guy in your house who is always saying hilarious things and has designed your last 72 t-shirts, tanks, etc. Needless to say, I’m applying to be a copywriter with the hopes of my life resembling Roger Sterling’s, even just a little bit.
Consultant: People, companies, students, literally everyone in the world, wants to be told what to do by some “expert” who has a longstanding history of success and can give them a competitive advantage over the next guy. Cue the frat douche. First year consultants work ridiculous hours and I’m assuming a mixture of caffeine, legal amphetamines and naps in the bathroom stall are the only way to succeed but, quite frankly, if it’s going to make me rich and successful, who cares. Looking at a few of the top consulting firms, they all preach their “work hard, play hard” atmosphere and as grossly cliché as this sounds, I’m certainly all about it.
Agent: Ya, ya, you watched Entourage in high school and want to be Ari Gold. Well, look into the mailroom if you really have a desire to be an agent. If all goes well and you move up and get lucky enough to have a good client or two, you’re set. This lifestyle usually involves you living in LA, NYC, or possibly Chicago and, outside of your clients, you have the opportunity to meet and party with endless celebrities and half of your business expenses involve traveling to events around the country. For most of us, high school sports or the high school play were as far as our talents could take us, so now we need to figure out another one to try and remain popular. Here’s your shot.
Blogger: First and foremost, if you don’t read Barstool, by now, you’re a complete and utter burden to society. Besides that, blogging has become huge with our internet-laden world. Saying and bashing whatever and whoever you want to doesn’t sound all too bad. I’ve done enough of it in my day and there’s still a lot more out there to talk about. Trust me.
Investment banker: If you saw Wolf of Wall Street and didn’t get pumped up, I don’t think you have a pulse. My dear friend Matt Moran, former president of Sigma Nu, is an investment banker in Chicago and, yes, I do get midnight snapchats of him still in the office, but when he gets off at 1 a.m. he certainly has fatter pockets than all of us. Long hours, strict deadlines and fat bonuses. Nothing screams America more than that.
Cheers, suckas.
