Here it is everyone, the list of this Black Fridays deadliest predators. I went to Woodbury Commons outlet mall and barely made it out alive with all these shoppers around me. Take a look and see if you spotted any!
The Pusher
Yeah okay LADY I get it you want 70% off of those sweaters, SO DO I - SO CALM THE LOVE DOWN. The pusher, a species so unlike any other, preys upon those around them by pushing and shoving. Trust me though, pushing will get you NOWHERE. Plus like really, I am still full from Thanksgiving. If you push me I am probably just going to fall on you.
The Hoarder
This is the lovely individual who runs into the store and grabs everything left and right without even looking. Had your eye on that cute dress? Whoops sorry it's been taken by the hoarder. What about that fishing pole? Those rain boots? The Xbox? It's gone, baby gone, the love is gone.
The Rude One
If Black Friday shopping was a reality show (IT REALLY SHOULD BE I WOULD WATCH IT FOR DAYS), this shopper would definitely be voted off the island first. Yeah buddy, we all have been waiting an hour in this line to the UGG store. Doesn't mean you can start being mean to the security guards and employees. Not cool man, not cool.
The Clueless
I call this shopper Bambi. Standing around in the middle of the store, completely clueless- Bambi is the poor soul who gets trampled on by the likes of the pusher and the rude one. This shopper, bless their soul, is the one who really doesn't know what they are doing or why they are there. Otherwise known as the boyfriend, husband or dad.
The Groper
This Black Friday season we bring you the groperrrrrrrr. They lurk in and out of the nooks and crannies of stores, waiting for the opportune moment. You might think I'm stretching this one a bit, but take it from my housemates own personal experience, "he bumped into me and said sorry while grabbing my chest." Watch out ya'll.
The Hyperactive
So this is Bambi's counterpart. This shopper can go 0 to 60 in half a second if a good deal is spotted. Best to stay clear of this one unless you want to wind up head first in a pile of clothes on the floor.
The Mom
Okay so I won't say anything bad about this shopper because being a mom is probably the hardest job in the world. But people- Do. Not. Mess. With. Her. This is the shopper with coupons and discounts in her eyes. She is the one to somehow find a way to spend way less than you did for far more than you bought. So be cautious of The Moms, be very cautious.
The Foreigners
America is the land of the free, the home of the brave and the hub of big sales. Of course I understand people coming from all around the world to shop their lives away. HOWEVER, no disrespect whatsoever, but these shoppers can go a bit over board. With their three kids, grandparents, nanny and dog- you'd think they're moving. Don't forget about the suitcases they bring in tow cause you just might, like yours truly, end up tripping over them.
The Pusher
Yeah okay LADY I get it you want 70% off of those sweaters, SO DO I - SO CALM THE LOVE DOWN. The pusher, a species so unlike any other, preys upon those around them by pushing and shoving. Trust me though, pushing will get you NOWHERE. Plus like really, I am still full from Thanksgiving. If you push me I am probably just going to fall on you.
The Hoarder
This is the lovely individual who runs into the store and grabs everything left and right without even looking. Had your eye on that cute dress? Whoops sorry it's been taken by the hoarder. What about that fishing pole? Those rain boots? The Xbox? It's gone, baby gone, the love is gone.
The Rude One
If Black Friday shopping was a reality show (IT REALLY SHOULD BE I WOULD WATCH IT FOR DAYS), this shopper would definitely be voted off the island first. Yeah buddy, we all have been waiting an hour in this line to the UGG store. Doesn't mean you can start being mean to the security guards and employees. Not cool man, not cool.
The Clueless
I call this shopper Bambi. Standing around in the middle of the store, completely clueless- Bambi is the poor soul who gets trampled on by the likes of the pusher and the rude one. This shopper, bless their soul, is the one who really doesn't know what they are doing or why they are there. Otherwise known as the boyfriend, husband or dad.
The Groper
This Black Friday season we bring you the groperrrrrrrr. They lurk in and out of the nooks and crannies of stores, waiting for the opportune moment. You might think I'm stretching this one a bit, but take it from my housemates own personal experience, "he bumped into me and said sorry while grabbing my chest." Watch out ya'll.
The Hyperactive
So this is Bambi's counterpart. This shopper can go 0 to 60 in half a second if a good deal is spotted. Best to stay clear of this one unless you want to wind up head first in a pile of clothes on the floor.
The Mom
Okay so I won't say anything bad about this shopper because being a mom is probably the hardest job in the world. But people- Do. Not. Mess. With. Her. This is the shopper with coupons and discounts in her eyes. She is the one to somehow find a way to spend way less than you did for far more than you bought. So be cautious of The Moms, be very cautious.
The Foreigners
America is the land of the free, the home of the brave and the hub of big sales. Of course I understand people coming from all around the world to shop their lives away. HOWEVER, no disrespect whatsoever, but these shoppers can go a bit over board. With their three kids, grandparents, nanny and dog- you'd think they're moving. Don't forget about the suitcases they bring in tow cause you just might, like yours truly, end up tripping over them.
One of the key things to remember about Black Friday is that we are all in this together, a sale for one is a sale for all. Hope you didn't run into too many of these characters this weekend (groper) and had a great, safe and shopping bag filled Black Friday!
