We’ve all been both guilty and a victim of party fowls. Sh*t happens. That nonchalant motto is fine sometimes, but most everyone finds it best to try to control yourself, your actions, and your bodily functions. The beverage so graciously named “liquid courage” contributes to all of the party fowls. Shocking, I know. Whether you’re a victim of a party fowl or guilty of a party fowl, move on. Soak it up in that moment and very likely the morning after, but then carry on with your life as you did before you broke a table.
Being a kleptomaniac
It’s no secret that whenever there’s a big party, something gets stolen. Maybe it’s a flag, a shirt, or even a composite. How composites are covertly stolen is something I’d watch an in depth special on. Regardless of what it is, people usually steal on a mission because it’s not likely you come out of a party with a full sized American flag by accident. Either way, chances are it won’t ever get returned. Similar to your memory of how you stole it.
Breaking stuff
Unless you go to a party with vengeance as your chaser, it’s likely this party fowl is an accident. Sometimes you rest on a table without realizing it is the least sturdy table possible. Sometimes that table will break. You will always run away though. You’ll admit it to your friends (the ones who won’t tell) but never to the party host(s).
Throwing up
I know there are people out there who don’t throw up, but for those of you out there that do, this one is for you. Sometimes your body just can’t hold it in anymore and it comes out. Chances are it creeps up on you and it just happens. Like word vomit but actual vomit. Whether it’s a laundry basket at the party, the bushes outside, or an actual bathroom, just embrace it. Then leave.
Blocking an Insta worthy picture
I’m sure we’re all familiar with the person who can’t stop bopping around for one second to realize they’re blocking a picture. Maybe this person is you. I understand you can’t help how much fun you’re having, but consider bouncing around maybe three feet to the left. You could be blocking the picture that makes it on every social media site.
Being a fuzzy photographer
This is one we’re all guilty of. At one point or another, you’ve been asked to take a picture and with confidence, you respond, “oh my gosh, of course!” You stand there thinking, "I am so capable of taking the grade A picture they want." They’ll ask you to take a few (candid, duh) and then you’ll be dismissed. Depending on what point in the night they asked you to take the picture, it’s probably the worst set of pictures ever taken. Nice job. You tried though!
The awful song requester
If you’re at a party that’s open to song requests, your spiritedly self will probably request a song not many people know, which is the precise reason it wasn’t played in the first place. Odds are it won’t even play, but if it does, you lose your mind (in a good way). Everyone else is pretty much doing the same thing they were for the last song, but this time, they don’t really know the beat well enough to whip or dab or whatever. They also don’t know the lyrics, which makes it fun to look around at people so clearly failing at singing this unheard of song.
Crying like you just watched Marley & Me
Alright ladies (maybe guys, they have *feelings* too), can we just make it a thing where crying at parties is NOT a thing? I understand your emotions can’t be controlled sometimes and things come up, but I’m just saying everyone is both wildly confused and uncomfortable when you cry. I’m not saying to not express your emotions, just consider expressing them on the DL. Down low as in outside (or in the comfort of your own bed) and probably not the bathroom. Parties are a place where stalls don’t have a people limit, so you’re guaranteed to be crying in the same room as at least 3 girls, even if just one stall door is shut.
Regardless of being a klepto or the crier, at one point or another, you just have to do this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and move forward. AND try not to break or steal anything the next time around.
Cheers!
