If you've ever trolled the dark side of YouTube, you know that It seems every year or so we see brand new mind-boggling conspiracies being thrown about the internet with no regard for common-sense, logic, research, the scientific process, or brain-cell usage. I could sit here and write about the mouth-breathing troglodytes that believe them, but if we make fun of them they might leave, then who will we laugh at? Instead, here's a list of my personal top 7 favorite conspiracy theories. Why 7? Because 6 is like the Illuminati times 2, and it can't be 8, because the Apollo 8 mission was a hoax.
Flat Earth
.
Number 7 on the list is the flat Earth theory. Everyone's already heard of this one for a couple of reasons. The first is that we were all 6 years old at some point and didn't fully grasp spacial reasoning, and the second is the Netflix documentary that came out recently. They've got frequent conventions where they get together and sell their merch (can't hate the hustle) and yell about the bible. Some pretty quality stuff, but too common to get any higher on the list.
Donut Earth
Number 6 on the list holds a very special place in my heart. The donut Earth theory is like if flat earthers dropped acid and spent too much time on a merry-go-round. I'm sure it's an elaborate meme created to make fun of ridiculous conspiracy theories, but at the same time I'm pretty confident that there are people out there who consider it possible, and I find that hilarious. Maybe try looking up and not seeing Australia hanging above you.
Deep-water Horizon
Number 5 is a little less well known, and that's probably because it doesn't really hold water very well. Pun completely intended. The deep-water horizon conspiracy theory suggests that the 2010 oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico that killed huge chunks of wildlife was actually the result of sabotage. From who you ask? Well according to radio host Rush Limbaugh, it was the result of environmentalists trying to bring attention to caring for the environment. You know, by killing it all.
The Illuminati
The only reason an expired meme like the Illuminati made it on to this list is because I'm not risking them killing me in my sleep for ignoring them. When saying Illuminati, you can assume that it also includes organizations like the Freemasons, the New World Order, and the Bilderberg Group. Originally, the Illuminati was a real secret society of scientists writing books to hide from the church, who was actively seeking to crucify them (as they do). Nowadays though, people think that the Illuminati is a group of musicians and businessmen controlling the minds of the human populace. Oh yeah, and they're all lizard people who plaster their logo on all of our money. Real secretive, guys.
Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Recycling
Number 3 goes to the kids favorite Chuck E. Cheese's. Just over a month ago, YouTube content-creator Shane Dawson released one of his classic conspiracy theory videos, this time about a matter more serious than life and death. Pizza. The theory goes that the employees at Chuck E. Cheese's don't actually make pizzas if they don't have to. Instead, they take leftover pies and mismatch them together into a Frankenstein's monster situation. Ultimately, it's not really very impactful, and it's probably not real, but the funny part comes from the fact that someone made an hour-long YouTube video. You'd think that people might have a bit more concern about teaching kids to gamble, but I guess pizza takes priority.
The Mandela Effect
Taking second place on my list is the Berenstain (Berenstein) Conspiracy, also known as the Mandela effect. One of the most popular goofy conspiracy theories, this one started on Reddit. Someone went into their attic one day and found that what they remember as the Berenstein Bear books, was actually spelled Berenst(A)in the whole time, and he wasn't the only one. Turns out everybody who had read the books "remembered" the same thing. So they crafted a theory. They worked out that at some point in the past, our universe collided with an alternate universe, and we were all dumped into a world where everything is exactly the same, except one letter is spelled differently in a children's story-book series. Turns out we're not in a sci-fi spoof though, it's just something called the "Mandela Effect" which is a fancy way of saying that large groups of people egging each other, can convince themselves of almost anything, when actually, they just don't know how to read.
North Dakota
This one personally hits close to home. Take a moment and ask yourself, have you ever been to North Dakota? Seen it with your own eyes? Do you know anybody from North Dakota? Maybe their main import? main export? That's right, you don't. Because there isn't any. North Dakota isn't real. At first, I thought this was just a fun little thought experiment I came up with, but it turns out I wasn't the only one. Apparently there are actually real people who believe that North Dakota is a ploy by the government to protect us from aliens and Canada. That makes sense though, Canadians can be pretty terrifying with their bagged milk and weird bacon, but I don't think we need an entire State allocated to take care of them when their police officers dress like Austin Powers.
The thing about conspiracy theories is that they don't require any proof. Conspiracy theories are based on people's willingness to accept the unlikely, and on the ability to create a shadow of a doubt. Don't trust everything you read on the internet kids, especially those shifty "top 7" lists you find on university editorials.
