It's always a mix of endearing curiosity and boldly stereotypical humor that end up a part of the conversation the second people find out I'm an island girl. My family comes from Guam and we're called Chamorro because culturally we're native to our island.
I love my hometown and my birthplace, but I always get asked "Where are you from?" in the rudest ways and these have been some of the worst responses to my heritage. So let's do this. My top ten worst responses when people discover my ethnicity.
I could make this a drinking game honestly.
1. "So Hawaii, Polynesian, or Samoa?"
Ah yes, the only three islands that exist in the gigantic Pacific Ocean. This question annoys me because these people only know of islands represented in their Disney princess movies or the latest action movie with an island scene.
If you do not know where the person is from, you're better off just asking them what island.
2. "Do you own a grass skirt or a coconut bra? Do they live in huts there?"
Stereotyping as a form of comedy is not comedy at all. In fact, any humor at the expense of someone else never truly makes anyone laugh.
When I'm asked this I always roll my eyes and ask them if their ancestors still shit in pots and throw them out the windows. Hahaha!
3. "Wow. That's hot. You're so exotic."
Dear. Lord. I am not an endangered zoo animal to gawk. Please don't fantasize with my entire ethnicity as your fetish. I'm kink shaming you.
Maybe this is why most of us never leave our islands, none of you can handle it.
4. "You don't look islander."
I'll be sure to morph myself appropriately to your liking, since you must be some sort of God to know exactly what my true form should be, you should be able to shift me into your image, right?
Let me guess, I'm supposed to be curvier with wavy hair and smooth tanned skin? The island girl dream??
5. "Do you like to go surfing? I bet you love the beach and the ocean. It's like home to you."
Gee whizz, I bet you're right! I should just submerge myself into the waves and let myself be overcome with emotion for my people.
Then maybe I'll be able to grow back my tail and swim home!!!
6. "If you're an Islander why is your last name Asian?"
I'm multi-ethnic. That's not unusual considering the hefty amounts of colonialism that occurred throughout history.
Also I'm just cool enough to be both.
7. "Do you speak English?"
Listen. I know this one sounds unbelievable, but what makes this even more idiotic was I was asked this in the middle of a lecture hall for a class obviously taught in English in college. I could not believe this. I had no smart-ass comment ready to make because I was legitimately shocked.
8. "So you're an immigrant?"
I'm signing all of you up to take a Geography class. God bless America, land of the illiterate.
9. "Never heard of it. Did you just make that up?"
From now on I'm going to tell people I'm from Atlantis or Eldorado since that's what they must have been thinking. In fact this whole article is a scam because my birthplace is fake.
10. "You should get more involved with your culture. You can barely tell me anything about it."
Do not tell me how to interact with my heritage. I would love to be more involved with my culture, but my culture is dying and my people are dwindling.
This is honestly one of the rudest things you could ever say to someone.
