Nothing embraces frugality more than used college dorm furniture. However, when you’ve finally had enough of mismatched couch cushions, lopsided coffee tables, and token puke-stained-reminder-of-a-bad-party rugs, it’s time for a trip to your friendly local IKEA. Here’s the best of what you can expect to find there.

10. Clever futons

It’s a couch! No, it’s a bed! A really uncomfortable and cheap bed, but still, it’s a bed!

9. Lamps

Hey, wow, these lamps are really cheap. And really cool. Oooooh, this one is pink. And this one looks like it was made for a New York studio apartment. Except it’s broken. Oops.

8. People-watching

Wow, look at that couple over there! They have good taste in TV stands. Oh. Wait. Woah now. They’re arguing. A lot. Guess I’d better stare and judge some more.

7. Sparkling pear juice

I have never seen sparkling pear juice before IKEA. It’s one of those things that you have to try once, and realize its novelty is wearing off halfway through drinking it.

6. Desks secretly made of particleboard

Don’t tell anyone, but... IKEA’s desks aren’t actually made of the finest birch, raised from birth by Swedish villagers who read stories to it and sent it to those superior Swedish schools we hear so much about. They’re actually compressed wood chips slathered with textured plastic.

5. Cool looking glass things

Do you want useless and cheap glass things that refract light in this really cool way that you think could make you look cooler to your friends? If you answered yes, then IKEA is your place.

4. Cheap rugs

These rugs are actually really cool. No joke. They’re pretty great; I won’t complain.

3. Testing your ability to carry heavy objects

Come to IKEA for the furniture. Leave carrying it and therefore regretting your trip to IKEA.

2. Testing your ability to count wooden dowels and not get frustrated while reading pictographic instructions

I’m pretty sure some psychologists make people assemble IKEA furniture as test of anger threshold. Not even Buddhist monks could assemble those forlorn bookcases and keep their cool.

1. Swedish meatballs

Not many things make me hungrier than furniture shopping. Well, only when I know that Swedish meatballs will be in my stomach. Those Swedes know a tasty meatball. They quell all furniture-related arguments, and mollify appetites. Swedish meatballs might even be our best chance at world peace!