"Perhaps we should love ourselves so fiercely, that when others see us they know exactly how it should be done." -Rudy Francisco
Repeat after me, "I am too full of life to be half-loved". Now read it again, but this time say it out loud. Again. And again. Say it until you believe this to be true. Scream if you have to! Keep saying it until you convince yourself that there is no other acceptable response. No higher aspiration than our journey toward attaining self-love.
By now you have likely noticed the red plastered all over store walls. Candy, chocolate, roses and hearts galore flood your vision if you dare to enter CVS. Another Hallmark holiday reminding us to buy temporary items for our significant others, or if we are single, to avoid walking outside until the constant reminder that we are not one of the "lucky ones" ends.
I personally have never cared much for the Hallmark holidays that capitalize on our emotions throughout the year. But then again, I've never been much of a gifts person; my love language ranks time and words of affirmation much higher on my "needs" list anyway.
Don't get me wrong, I think Valentine's Day is still a cute way to go above and beyond for someone we admire, but I think by projecting a need to find love in others we miss the importance of loving ourselves first.
We live in a society that advertises romance novels, movies, social media, stories, etc. where the damsel in distress finds her knight in shining armor who completes her. The broken man who finds life again in the light of a new lover. And with this priming, we lose sight of the possibility of completing ourselves and finding a light centralized in self-affirmation instead of another.
We hear all the time that "we don't need them" to complete us because "there are plenty of other fish in the sea". Yet we fail to realize that by validating the importance of finding love in others still, we inevitably are failing ourselves in looking at what holds us from within.
And to be honest, it's not our fault. Beyond the social priming in believing what love truly is, we have been trained to associate self-care with being selfish. That by creating boundaries for ourselves, learning to use "no" as a complete sentence, or believing that we are worthy of being taken care of by others, we are inhibiting anyone else from progressing forward. But if I myself am unable to move forward, how can I even begin to help anyone else?
This year I made the conscious decision to become the one thing I feared the very most: selfish. To put me before others. Actively romanticizing the idea of finding happiness in all of life's treasures. To exercise because it made me feel more alert and stable. To eat healthier food options because they taste good and give me more energy. To wear makeup on days I want to look pretty or not on the days I don't believe I need it. To rekindle old hobbies that always made me happy.
And I did this solely because I no longer wanted to view myself at the bottom of the totem pole. How could I expect to find love in another if I still failed to find it in myself? If my only means of sanity were to escape to the bathtub, into another's arms, or a land far away?
We are too full of life to be half-loved. By ourselves or by others, but especially by ourselves.
You are more than the thoughts that enter your mind as you look at yourself in the mirror. You are more than a number on a scale or on a standardized test. You are more than the disappointments you may feel when life goes astray.
You are more than the voices inside your head saying you are unworthy of love. Because you are worthy, worthy of a love that challenges you to be your best self. Worthy of a love that provides unwavering support. And that love inevitably starts with you, NOT in the love of another.
So this year and every year afterward, I hope you remember just how valuable you are. How majestic and full of light and life you are. Yes, I absolutely hope that one day you find love in another that complements you instead of completes you. But my greatest hope is that you will find the ability to fully love yourself without the aid of another.
Because after all, when you choose to love yourself selfishly, only for your benefit and without a care about who stays or goes, or what change will occur, you learn just how valuable and full of life you truly are.
