It's always been hard. It's hard to pretend that our relationship is anywhere close to perfect. There are times when I want to blow up and scream in your face because you've pushed me so far that I can't seem to compose myself. It's not that you haven't always been there for me, but it's that you're not there for the important things. You're never there to support my accomplishments anymore. And if you are, you seem so uninterested and that you could be doing virtually anything else with your time, so you rush out of it to get somewhere else. Because of this, I've had to rely on others for support of my achievements.
You always tell me how proud you are of my decisions, but then the second I mess up, it turns into World War III, and you're dropping bombs on every single thing I've ever done wrong in my life thus far. You throw things in my face that happened so long ago that they don't even matter. You manage to embarrass and destroy me in a way that doesn't seem real.
Nothing is ever OK in your eyes, and there is always something more important than the people and things right in front of you on a day to day basis. Things are never good enough and, quite honestly, it's your fault. You've made it this way, and you have to figure out how to make things right again.
Sometimes I wish things were different, but honestly, I think things are far too gone for you to mend what's been done. Your actions speak just as loudly as your words. I wonder if you will ever realize that your actions have dug you so far into a hole that you're almost to the point of no return, and that your words cut into people so deeply that you're wounding your relationships with people who once loved you so deeply.
One day I hope something changes. I hope that others don't have to go through some of this because it's not fair. I hope you realize how you've hurt others almost as bad as you've hurt yourself, but I honestly don't know if that day will ever come. For everyone's sake, I hope it does.
Learning that you can't force someone to change who they are is one of the best things you can learn early in life. It hurts when you don't get the love and affection you need from someone for such little things, but it also makes you stronger as a person, and you learn that there are people out there that want to support you and do love you for even your smallest flaws. Nobody ever said life was easy, and nobody ever said that even the people who are supposed to show you the most support, will. People are going to let you down, but you'll learn to turn it into strength to better yourself.
