"Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind, but I just smiled and said I used to."
Dear Old Friends,
I miss you. I’m thankful every single day for all of the wonderful people in my life. I have many acquaintances, lots of good friends, and a handful of very close ones. And I’m not naive to the fact that some people in this world are not as lucky as me in this regard. Yet, there are a few friends that I’ve lost along the way, for reasons that I can’t even explain. People that were once my best friends in the whole world, whom I now barely recognize. But I never wanted it to be this way, and I miss all of you.
How does someone that you once called one of your best friends become a stranger? How does someone you once knew better than you even know yourself become just another face in the crowd? And how does someone you were once inseparable from become someone you haven’t seen, or even talked to, in years? It both amazes and scares me how fast friends can become strangers. It’s crazy. And I’m sorry it happened to us.
I know change is natural. In fact, change is good, change is necessary. And I know people change, and friends drift apart; it’s a part of life. But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. We were friends, and I never thought it would happen to us. I thought you would be in my life forever, and I never imagined how fast you could just walk out of it, or how easy it seemed to be for you to do. I know I’ve changed, one of you even said that to me one day. I couldn’t help it, though. No one can. I’ve gone through some tough times that were beyond my control, and I’ve made mistakes. But I’m still me. And I think what makes accepting the end of our friendship so difficult, is that there was no distinct endpoint. There was no agreement that we were better off without each other, no confrontation, no fight, no defined reason why it was over and you were done. It’s as if, at some point, you decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. Or I wasn’t worth it anymore.
If I did something to cause the end of our friendship, I’m sincerely sorry. I never meant to. But I wish you would’ve stuck around and worked it out with me. If there was something bothering you, I wish you would have had enough confidence in our friendship to tell me about it. But you didn’t do either of those things. I’m also sorry that I didn’t fight harder for us. That I didn’t do my part to keep in touch. I tried as much as I could, but there’s only so much one person can do, because friendship is a two-way street, and I guess you just weren’t interested anymore. Trust me, I didn’t give up because I didn’t care. I gave up because I felt like you didn’t care anymore, and you simply can’t force a friendship where it’s not wanted.
I think about you often. I want to thank you for all the memories we have together. I’ll never forget all the good times, laughs, and adventures with all of you. I'm glad I have pictures to look back on and remember these things. Thanks for growing up with me, teaching me what friendship is, and even if you didn’t mean to, for also showing me what it’s not...and who my true friends are. Thank you for playing a part in shaping me into the person I am today. You have truly helped me grow into a better and stronger person along the way.
I believe everything happens for a reason, and even if we weren’t meant to be in each other’s lives forever, I still wish the best for you. There was definitely a point when I was upset, and bitter, and even angry, about losing you. That was inevitable. And I’m still a little sad about it if I’m being honest. But I’ve learned the hard way how important it is to live life to the fullest and not dwell on things like this that seem beyond my control. That being said, I sincerely hope that wherever you are in your life and whatever you're doing, that you're doing well and are happy. You deserve happiness. I also hope that one day maybe I’ll get the chance to reconnect with you. Even though I know it will probably never be the same, you will always have a place in my heart.
Just know that I still care about you, I’m always here for you, and my door is always open. You know where to find me.
An Old Friend