Depression is something that hits a lot of people in the US. A lot of people suffer from it, me being included. I used to think that I've had just plain depression and it has just gotten very horrible. That was until I saw the symptoms of PTSD. For four very long years I was in a violently abusive relationship. I've had it all. Physical, mental, and sexual abuse by one guy constantly. Not to mention I was introduced to it at a very young age.
It started from having little arguments most of our days together and him always telling me its my fault, that I'm worthless, etc. It progressed to get more physical. Getting pushed up against the wall and getting spit on, while him screaming at me. Losing my virginity at the young age of 13 years old to the monster that had me blind. All the way up to getting a knife thrown at my head and getting shot in the head with a B.B gun.
I can see something so little that it doesn't faze a regular person, a simple smell, or just a simple thing someone could say to me. It can and will trigger a flashback that will send me in a state of depression that lasts for days at a time. Sometimes I'll even have an "attack." I'm constantly insecure. What people don't understand, and wont understand unless they go through it themselves.
I don't have many people I can talk to about this in my life. They'll just sit there and tell me "Its okay" or "There's no need to be depressed, someone has it worse than you do." Or they'll just plain out tell me "If you get out and talk to more people and be more social you'll be happier." They think that hearing things like that is an instant cure. If I could just make this feeling go away just by saying a single sentence, then don't you think I would? I've tried to be more social with people, and I've tried making more friends. I mentally and physically can't let someone into my life like that.
We all have demons in our head telling us different things, and each PTSD trauma story is different. People think that you can only get PTSD from serving in the military but that's absolutely wrong. I struggle with demons everyday from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed.
When I got diagnosed with PTSD my depression got worse than what it was before. Knowing that I finally had a label put on myself, knowing that I would never have a normal relationship with another person again, knowing I will never be able to forget my past. It makes me feel alone and unwanted, which makes me angry at people all the time. PTSD has made me a prisoner in my own mind. A life sentence that I will live with for the rest of my life.
