No name on my birth certificate besides Mom, I don't even remember hearing my father’s name. I was told I had a picture of you Dad next to my bed when I was younger, but it somehow got lost. My first day of school Mom was there, taking pictures and sending me on my way. I started playing soccer, it was my life. I was good and proud of every trophy, every trick, and every game I won. Mom was on the sidelines. Dad, you were no where to be found. No shock though. I got older and began asking questions about you Dad, but Mom always changed the subject or would just completely ignore me. You two had mutual friends, they knew I was your daughter even if you didn't want to admit to it. Every time I saw a friend they would say "I am a spitting image of you". It killed me when I heard that.
Mom told me a few stories when I was in high school about you. If you two bumped into each other, you would ask how I was. Why couldn't you be man enough to ask me yourself? That's right, because you starting claiming I wasn't your child. We spoke when I was 22 years old. Your first words to me "YOU ARE NOT MY DAUGHTER". Great start to a conversation. It's okay though, because I had every court document between you and Mom. The DNA test results that were ordered when I was 8 months old, and the child support receipts. Mom kept everything little did you know. So I took a deep breath and replied; "That's great because I don't want to be your daughter". Then I hung up the phone. In that moment it was lie, I wanted a father more than anything in the world. I was broken. That was our first and last conversation.
High school, the worst time of my life. Dad you wouldn't know and Mom, well you began getting so high on drugs to even notice I hated it. You met a guy while I was in high school that ruined you, ruined us. Ruined everything had built as mother and daughter. One day, you were my biggest fan. All I had in my corner. Then next thing I know, our life and everything I had known got flipped upside down.
Police walked right in our house and my attitude switched. Switched to this rude little 15 year old girl who thought she knew everything to talk back to the police. You were my hero Mom, taught me right from wrong. Then became the biggest hypocrite I knew. Mom you broke down, like something I have never seen in my life. The tears. The fear in your eyes. You were told to sit on the couch and don't move. They raided the house, torn everything apart like you would see in movies. My home was no longer my home, my safe place. It became the talk of the town, I became the talk of the school.
Every thing from that moment went down hill for you Mom. Wishing I had you Dad to have my back. I knew in that moment I had to become an adult. I moved out at 16, and began my life. Without either you. I had family and friends to help, but my parents is all I wanted. I grew angry, I lashed out, I did things I knew I shouldn't. Hoping one of you would even notice. Things got a lot worst for you two. Things I could not believe. Incarceration, homeless, drug addict mother. Dad you had been charged with rape. My parents had become these horrible people.
All of that broke me at the time. I was a confused and angry child. Today these problems build me. Build me into a better person and mother. That's right Mom and Dad, your daughter is now a mother. So I guess I just want to say thank you for destroying me. I learned how to be strong and independent. I plan to be better than both of you, and never put my children what you put me through.
