To The Ones Who Said They 'Loved' Me

To the one I loved first,

Thank you for being my first love and thank you for also being my first, very real, heartbreak. You showed me what it truly feels like to be broken and shattered into a million pieces, you introduced me to the brutal dating world and what I had to look forward to in the future. Thank you for giving me such high standards and expectations for all future relationships, I am sure it has saved me from a multitude of heartbreaks. You taught me to love real and to love deep. Along side love you taught me the importance of friends. Spending all of my time with you shut me out of the social world, and because of you I have never done that since. So, again thank you for not only the love but also the lessons.

To the one who let me free,

Thank you for walking away when all I ever wanted was for you to stay. You taught me that sometimes no matter how much you want something and no matter what you do it may not be what is right. I learned that I am one of the most determined and stubborn human beings to ever walk this earth, and with that said I can't always get what I want. Thank you for allowing me to learn more about myself, I discovered that I am willing to walk a mile in someone else's shoes before I judge them and their decisions. In the long run you helped me mold myself into a more accepting person. So, once again, thank you for not only the love but also the lessons.

To the one who couldn't make it work,

Thank you for trying. You kept our relationship going even when it was difficult for you. You taught me that sometimes you can't explain why something isn't working. It just isn't. The heartache you inflicted on me was, by far, one of the worst. The fact that I couldn't pin point where things went south, or what I did tore me up. Knowing that there was nothing I could have done to change the outcome of our time spent together kept me up at night. But, hindsight is 20/20 and I can clearly see that things just weren't going to work out from the start. You taught me that you can spend time with a person whom you feel completely compatible with, and still not have that spark. You taught me to communicate my feelings and thoughts, even if they aren't the most ideal. So, once again, thank you for not only the love but also the lessons.

To the one who's heart I broke,

First of all, I am sorry. I have been in your shoes before, and I still inflicted a great deal of heartache and pain on you. I have played the victim my whole life when it comes to relationships, but with you I was the villain. I tired everything I could to make it work with you, everything in my mind at least. Being with you taught me that sometimes you just can't make it work. I loved you, but I knew that the life we would end up having wasn't going to be ideal for me. You taught me not to hold myself back for love, and in the process you got your heart broken. Things may not have worked out in the best of ways, but thank you for not only the love but also the lessons.

To the one who loves me now,

Thank you for realizing that I have my past. You listen to me talk about past relationships and memories because you know that they are a part of my life and have shaped me into the woman you love today. Thank you for appreciating my honesty and reciprocating it as well. I have sat and thought "If I could go back in time and have you be the first person I loved, would I?" and my answer is no. I couldn't love you the way I do now, if it weren't for the people I loved then. My life and the way our relationship is now, couldn't be the same if it wasn't for them. I am not the only one who should be thanking the ones who said that "loved" me, you should too. My patience, honesty, willingness to fight for us is all because of them. I don't know if you will end up being one of them; those who line my past with love, lessons, and heartbreak. I do know, however, that for now I am learning and loving and that is what truly matters.