To the one that got away,

I'm sorry.

I don't know how I could have messed up so bad. I don't get how I didn't see what was right in front of me. You were there for me when no one else was, and no matter how much I hurt you, you stayed and kept trying to make it work. I should have realized what I had sooner.

They always say "You don't realize what you have until it's gone" and this couldn't be more true. But really I just never realized I was losing you. I know it didn't just happen. Over time, I became too much. Throughout everything all I could think is you deserve better, and I'm not enough. I am the one that pushed you away.

I let you go.

But you always pushed back. You always made sure you were still in my life, because you cared about me. You were always the person I could count on.

Until one day, you weren't.

I feel like such an idiot now. For hurting you. For letting you go. For not realizing that you began to let me push you away. I was so focused on myself, and what I had going on, that I didn't even ask you what was wrong. I asked, but I should have known when you said you were fine, that you weren't. I should have stayed in and talked with you those nights, instead of leaving. I should have been there, but I wasn't.

You always seemed so composed. So put together, like you had everything figured out, that I never questioned you. I should have looked further.

I'm sorry for not realizing what was right in front of me. You would have done anything for me. You were there when I needed you, no matter what. You accepted me through the good times and the bad, and helped me. You always knew how to make me smile, and I told everyone about you. I guess I just never expressed it enough to you, the only one that truly mattered.

And now you're done. I don't get a "second chance" because in reality this would be my millionth. I just never realized when you were giving me chances. I would say I'm sorry, and I swear I meant it, I just didn't know how to fix everything.

Now that I'm ready, you're gone. I missed my chance. You deserved the best, and I couldn't give you that. I know you would have given me the world, even though all I would need is you.

When I look at you now, it's different. When you see me, your eyes don't light up the same. You don't seem to smile as much when you're with me. You zone out more, you laugh, but it doesn't radiate the same. You are still amazing. You still make me smile at the most random of times. Thinking of you makes me feel a little better even in the darkest of times. I just wish I had noticed the little things before.

It kills me to know that one day someone else will see that spark in your eye, and your contagious laugh that lights up the whole room. But I have no one to blame but myself.

So to the one that got away,

I'm sorry.