It’s not OK. I’m not going to wave my feminist flag and rant about male entitlement, at least not right now. I’m not angry. I’m frustrated, I’m upset, I’m confused and I’m embarrassed. I’m embarrassed that tiny meaningless comments can have such an impact.
You never know what someone else is going through, and here’s the part where I complain about how hard it is being a woman. (To be clear, I know men struggle with unrealistic standards too, but I only have my experiences.) In high school, one of the girls at our lunch table had a “thinspiration” blog. I’ve heard girls say they’re uncomfortable telling people they’re vegan because they don’t have the right body type. Women constantly say “that was so much food” after eating in public, and when you google “how many calories should I eat?” the first three results, and half the results on the first page, include the words “lose weight” or “weight loss.” I remember when a boy called me fat when I accidentally stepped on his foot in second grade, and I'll bet others can rehash similar experiences years later. And when you made that tiny comment, I laughed it off. But I went home and hated myself and purged.
Am I being oversensitive, just like the rest of our world nowadays? Maybe I am, and there’s a part of me that wishes I had thicker skin. But if there was a small way you could prevent someone’s inner struggles and avoid a very awkward situation, why wouldn’t you?
A small feminist rant, because I can’t hold it in. It’s not your place. It’s not your place to comment on a woman’s body, no matter your intention. It’s not your body, and no one deserves to feel uncomfortable in his or her own skin and constantly worry about what others are going to say. And it should be an unspoken rule not to comment about what someone is eating.
If you’ve ever made any problematic comments, I’m not calling you a villain. You probably have no idea, and you might be a great person. I’m not saying you’re the sole reason for someone’s inner struggles, because I don’t think there is a single reason. But you’re not helping. There have been great steps, like Dove’s "Real Beauty" campaign, but we’re not there yet. I’ve seen more and more “letters to my eating disorder” on this site, and although most of them are hopeful, it’s still extremely disheartening.
In “Ginger” by The Front Bottoms, Brian Sella sings, “This is my body, the only thing that I own entirely. And it will carry me to greatness somehow.” It’s a beautiful lyric, and I’m trying. There’s a lot of uncontrollable things in this world and a lot of our success is based on the judgement of others. Possessions come and go, and you only really have yourself at all times. Whether you consider a body the vessel for the soul or the physical being of a person, it’s yours, and you can do whatever you want with it.
Maybe I’m being overdramatic, and maybe it is a lot to ask. But I have enough to deal with. College is stressful enough, and I don’t need anything else to worry about. All I’m asking is for people, both men and women, to be a little more empathetic with their language.
