Dear Me,
In the event of you reading this December has all but gone away and the dropping of a certain ball has ushered in a New Year. While 2016 has been far from the best year for you, don’t fall into the trap of believing 2017 will be any better. During this semester off, optimism has not been the only thing you’ve been falling into. While I’m not asking you to condemn happiness, I am asking you to take control of certain aspects of your life, and turn your gaze elsewhere.
Return some of your focus back to school. Those wonderful drunk conversations about life are not something that everyone can emulate. As much as you like to joke about being a terrible and lonely piece of shit, deep down inside you know you’re lucky. There is not a day that goes by where you are not glad to be surrounded by those that care about you. You joke about your misery because you know full well there are times you don’t treat them as well as you should.
It is your way of apologizing, that matches the clown-like persona you’ve adopted. You have improved in being more honest, you should be proud of that, but now it is about being mature enough to walk away from certain things.
“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few…” George Washington
Waking up in the winter has always been a problem for you ever since college started. The cold has a great way of waking you up feeling insecure, inadequate and defeated. In the past, you compensated for this by swallowing caffeine pills, I ask that you give yourself a month to fix your sleep schedule and see if you can avoid that. Make it a habit to read before bed, stop watching videos and clear your head.
Keep up the good work going to the gym and know that progress is not always visible. You feel it, you feel more energetic during the day and you feel your body itch when you skip days. Do not cave in to the temptation of stopping, you have got a good thing going, just keep at it. You have discovered the strength of adopting a routine, give yourself time to be flexible. Do not be a workaholic, do not hate others for getting in your way.
For so long you have struggled with the concept of thinking too much. What the hell does that even mean? How does one think too much? Abandon the doubt when you have agreed and committed to an action. There are times you dwell on decisions you have made just a few minutes ago, as oppose to focusing on the task at hand. There is always time for self re-evaluation, I encourage that you set 10-20 minutes aside when you need it and just go at it.
Blow your brains out, then just move on. Also, keep a notebook with you and just jot down those crazy thoughts that enter your head, spend an hour or two on Sundays and just map out those that you find most interesting. If you really like the idea, go read up on whatever material is relevant. There are times your thoughts lead to inaction, this is a first attempt at slowing down your racing thoughts and constructing them into something efficient and more productive. Try to reach a conclusion at the end of every one of these Sunday sessions.
Just work on these for now. We’ll speak again next semester. As for final words, I’ll leave you with this: Don’t grip the wheel too tight because by the end of the day you’ll be begging to let it go.
Yours truly,
CHIRON
P.S. Fingers keep pointing at duality. Just stick with it.
Also that Heraclitus quote is something you practically live by now.
