To the me from before:
I know how hard you’ve worked to get me where I am today. Through the bad and the good, you were there for it all. I’m grateful for your thoughts and moments that you have so very fondly shared with me.
That day it was sunny but humid day in China. You went out holding your grandfather's hand. He treated you to popsicles, which is mainly the reason you so crave popsicles whenever you see him. You were 5, maybe 6, but you could meticulously depict the surroundings around you, and how tall your grandfather was. You wobbled, played with butterflies, and liked to cry. You were such a crybaby that it’s become a familiar nickname within the family.
You were young and you had fun.
The next thing you know, you’re back in California. Donkeys are braying and children are playing. You hop onto the wooden structure, ready to slide down the slide. You wait until the person in front of you has gone but before you know it you are pushed because the child behind you was running from a game of tag. You fall face-first into the sand. Mouth completely filled with a disgusting and dry texture, you cry. The teacher pulls you aside to clean up, but you don’t even know how to begin explaining.
You never forgot this moment, but it’s funny to look back at it and have a laugh.
Japan feels like a dream. At this point, you’re one of the tallest girls in your class standing at 5’0 when you were 10. You feel self-conscious and fatter than the girls in your class. Once summer break hits, mom takes you to Japan. You go to an onsen carved within a mountain on a cloudy day, filled with rose-petaled bathtubs with steaming temperatures to contrast. As per Japanese culture, onsens require nudity to preserve its cleanliness. You see that your body is fine. You dip in the tub and have some great sushi afterward.
You understand that great changes are coming, but you will be fine.
You are confused. You are split among friend groups. Who are you? Who do you want to be? How can you choose? You waver among them, never committing. You bully some people, you flirt with others. School passes by, puberty reigns at an all-time high. You apologize, you stop. You are trying to balance all things black and white. Little do you know, you are both. You are gray.
The time of puberty and community is a difficult one. You struggle.
Onto your last year of being a minor. You grew a little, you think, you suppose. You’ve screwed up, you’ve fallen down, you’ve been yelled at, and you’ve given up. You’ve lost most your friends, or maybe they weren’t really your friends in the first place. You learn that life goes on. You try and try again. You never let bad weather get you down. Your true friends stayed with you, engage with you, want to be with you. You begin to create friendships with your parents. You begin to begin anew. You are revitalized and strive for the future.
Being alive is different from living.
You now consider yourself wiser than any of these moments before. There are pearls of truth that have taken you years to reflect on. But you did. You took the time to grow, to learn, to change.
Thank you for having these experiences.
