To the Lover of My Heart

To the Lover of My Heart

You are My GOD.
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Dear Lover of my heart,

You have been there since the day I opened my weary eyes

With every shaky breath I take

Your love has shown no disguise

In my weakest and lowest of days

I cry out in agony

Then I see your face.

I see you in the people serving me food with a gentle smile

I see you in the classrooms with wide eyed children as they freak out over bugs

I see you in the eyes of family members I have not seen in a while

I see you in my two year old best friend who gives me endless hugs

I see you in my friends' face as they light up with joy

Telling me about the things they are doing in their life

I see you.

I see you in the happiest of times

And

I see you in the darkest

I see you when I am up at 3 am wondering if I am even good enough

I see you when I have been made a fool by people who I thought were friends

I see you when I do not believe I deserve to be loved

I saw you when I tried to make my end.

BUT.

You were not the bad.

I was in pain

In a constant of sad

Trying to feel a wholeness I could not seem to attain

Alone, afraid, ashamed.

But you lit your match

My cold heart started to feel whole

I saw hope, I felt comfort, I felt peace

You renewed my soul

And all that heartache I could finally release.

I was:

Broken, depressed, suicidal, angry, isolated, and dirty

I am:

Healed, joyful, revived, peaceful, connected, and clean

I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM WORTHY, I AM LOVED

Your love is written throughout my story

The tribulations have been overcome

By you weaving in your glory

I never believed I would make it this far

But that was not your plan

You had plans to prosper

And in a moment you lent out your hand

I grabbed it and will never let go

Because as I have walked this Earth

Your love remains as so

So lover of my heart,

I will praise you till my dying breath

I will give you my all

Even when I have nothing left

In your name I will call

No matter the dark

I see your light

When pain tries to leave is mark

You turn the mud into white

YOU ARE THE I AM

And my one true love.

I love you and praise you.

You are my GOD.

I pray that as I show others who I used to be

In it they can find you

And feel your glory.

Amen.



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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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views

Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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My Relationship With Religion Will Never Be Black And White

and that's okay!

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I was raised Christian let's get that out the way. Growing up in a small town I went to Awana (a children's church group Wednesday nights) and then once I was in middle school started youth group that night instead as well as a normal church on Sundays. If you would ask me from me being really young to probably around 15 I was all about church and building a relationship with God.

After leaving public school and growing my presence online and meeting so many people from all walks of life, I started questioning things.

Suddenly, I was immersed in this community with the best people who just loved everyone regardless of gender or sexuality or race and it was the place I was able to come to terms with something I had always repressed, my feelings towards girls.

I knew the moment I started talking to a girl named Laura that I had feelings for her I would normally have for a boy and because of the people I now had around me I just didn't suppress it. I identified online and eventually to family and friends as bisexual.

My questions started with wondering how my god this loving all knowing entity I had always known was un-accepting and promoted the exclusion of the LGBTQ+ community from the Christian faith. I knew that this community was full of the most loving and creative and beautiful people I have ever met and that was the start of me knowing my relationship with God would never be the same.

As I grew up and have become an activist for the things that mean a lot to me I have stopped attending church and have begun to see that I do not want any part in ANY religion that takes part in shunning anyone based on how they identify. I have been vocal about this to many people some more excepting then others but regardless I will never again take part in something that I myself am not 100% accepted within

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