I know how you feel. You see your friends posting cute pictures and sometimes you want someone to take cute pictures with you so you can reset your background on your phone. The idea of a relationship seems fun, easy, and down right cool. But behind each relationship it takes time, effort, and energy and that isn’t something that you have to give.

You value your free time and the time that you do nothing during the weekend but sleeping in and painting your nails. You’re a golden girl, a girl who works hard to get excellent grades during school and when you go out with your friends for dinner, you’re totally fine. You enjoy the opportunity to smile at the waiter and flirt with the bartender. But when you are in the company of a male who makes you want to take away part of your independence, you feel happy. You feel excited even! You feel like you could handle part of the responsibilities.

But that’s where you go wrong. You can’t put partial credit into a friendship, no less a future and potential relationship. You can’t have your cake and eat it to. A relationship is between two people who knowingly want the same things. For anyone who’s half in and half out of the door, it doesn’t work. People want people who can offer more, who can challenge themselves, and people who have good hearts.

But you girl, you are scared. You are scared of commitment but then also scared of life alone, life without your someone. But you’re too young for you to be worried that your time is past and that you can’t find someone to make you happy. But then again, you don’t need someone to make you happy. You need yourself. You are your gatekeeper for happiness and joy and I would rather create my own joy then allow that joy to be taken away from me.

Our times will come when we will change our minds and we’ll never know how we went any time at all without our special person. Until we find that person, stay positive, stay unique, and stay doing you.

Until you decide that you can give as much as you take, it isn’t right for you to take from someone who deserves more than you can offer. Take as much time as you need girl, your mind will eventually change. You’ll want to cash in your free time for breakfast dates and inside jokes with someone who makes you smile so hard it hurts. Keep your time and don’t rush anything because when it works, it will really work and then you’ll know why it didn’t ever work with anyone else before.

Keep smiling and putting yourself in uncomfortable situations because you’ll thank yourself later for the funny stories that you’ll share about your challenges to “catch the one”. You’ll know that when you lay down at night, you did everything you could that day and that you’re doing exactly what you need to be doing. You’ll be so thankful when your time does come because you’ll have grown from your immature and selfish ways into this beautiful woman who can offer so much. Your time too will come when you decide that you are no longer the one who wants a relationship but isn’t ready for it because then you’ll find yourself getting asked this question, “Will you be my girlfriend?” and suddenly you won’t want to run away. You cheer with gladness and you’ll look back at your time when you were ready but not ready and be glad. Be glad for this single time, we all need single time. Time to think, prosper, and experience life. Give all that you can give, never be half in and half out and be thankful you had time to gather exactly what you want from someone else. You should expect the exact same from others as well.

So to the girl who wants a relationship but isn’t ready for it, stay calm. Follow your passions and treat yourself. Learn how to love yourself first and know how to have fun by yourself. Know how to do simple tasks that will bring you joy and never expect anything from anyone. Life is hard, you never know what someone is going through. Keep your chin up and be able to roll with the tide of life. Good luck girl, you can do it.