I'm somewhat hesitant to write this article, because sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who struggles with this. However, if there's even one person out there who's like me in this department, my hopes are to be there for them, and if nothing else, at least let them be comforted by the fact that they are not alone. My current struggle is that I have this incessant need to be the best at everything. And if I'm not, I feel as if I have failed miserably.

While some may say this could be turned into a positive quality because I have the drive to do my best, it's actually very mentally exhausting. It creeps in and affects my relationships, because I get jealous when I feel threatened that I'm not the best. This in turn causes people to think I have trust issues, because they think I believe that they will be unfaithful, but that's really not it. In fact, I don't have trust issues at all. I trust people probably too easily. I worry more about others liking me, and thinking I'm the absolute greatest and the prettiest than that, and that is a very hard to admit. I feel like my employer would rather have another employee working for them when I'm not the very best or mess up on a task. I feel like my boyfriend wishes he was with the pretty girl who walks by us, and he's only with me because I'm "the nice" girl. I feel like my peers don't see me as very bright because sometimes I fumble my words in class, or ask too many questions at work. And I've even been known to shed some tears after receiving a "B" in a class. I realize this is all absolutely ludicrous.

I don't know when this all started. Maybe it's because I craved attention when I was super young, when my autistic brother got to "play" with the speech therapist, and I felt left out and not good enough (I didn't know any better, I was like five years old). Or maybe I have this inward need to prove myself to people who called me pepperoni face in high school. Perhaps it's from when my soccer coaches would yell and take me out of the game if I messed up. I know from a young age I would get furious with myself when I made a mistake in soccer and get so scared I wouldn’t be able to play the rest of the game. I have always noticed myself getting very angry with myself when I make a mistake. In-group activities I'm always the self-proclaimed leader because I want to be the best one and the one who seems to be the most knowledgeable. This is another reason why being like this is hard. People may think you're just an attention-seeker and maybe somewhat cocky because you always act like the confident leader. But again, this is wrong. I'm actually quite self-conscious for someone who wants so much attention! It's weird, but true. If I'm not the very best in my group work or at my job I deem myself the worst and incapable of everything. Yes, yes, I'm a drama queen. I'm accepting my flaws.

The thing is though, I am good enough. I am capable of so much more than people think or than I think. And so are you. If you feel that you need to be the best at everything, I feel you, but we need a reality check. I think we are told two conflicting things growing up. 1. There will always be someone better than you at something. And 2. You have to be the best to rise up and get that job, or leadership role, etc. Our issue is that we can't find balance in those two statements. It is true that someone will always be better than you at something, and that is the hardest thing in the world for me to admit. But that doesn't mean you can't push yourself and strive you be the best version of you. Being the best you is all that should matter; not others' opinions of you. Just because you make a mistake in class or work, doesn't mean you're not extremely intelligent. Just because there are gorgeous women in the world doesn't mean you're not beautiful. We are all unique and all bring something wonderful to life's table.

So do not listen to the famous words of Ricky Bobby, "If you're not first, you're last." Really it should be, "If you're not first, you're still first in someone else's eyes. And you're a talented, smart, funny, awesome, beautiful, bad bitch." So love yourself, ladies. You're all you need.