How many times have you heard “My relationship is such a pain, I don’t even understand why I’m still in one?” Most girls are sympathetic to these struggles because they have been there too. However, there are girls who feel sympathy, but also a little jealousy, because they have never had a relationship to annoy them.

That makes me sound really sorry for myself, and believe me I would rather find the right guy the first time than go through years of heartbreak. But for the girl who dreams of her wedding day and that first dance with her husband to the song that she has loved for years and is saving, so she can say “This is what you mean to me, and I’m so happy you are mine”. Or picturing how he will be as a father, and teaching them the things that their mommy can’t no matter how hard she tries because that is what makes them a team. Or having the person that she knows will love her and value her as much as she loves and values him, even when she is too sensitive or annoys him with her weird quirks like having a clean sink.

She dreams about this as much as she dreams about all the other first’s in a relationship, like the first time he smiles at you, hugs you, kisses you and tells you that you mean something to him. I have felt love, but I know that family love and relationship love is different. I’ve seen it with too many people and I hope that I can have that someday.

Being the single girl among a group of girls who are or have been in love is like being left out of a club. You don’t have the experience, so you can either be genuinely happy for your friends and their relationship or be bitter and wonder what it is about you. Am I too shy, not funny enough, not “hot” enough, too smart, too introverted or do I just not matter to guys?

First of all, you do matter. Changing yourself to get a guy will make you miserable because you can’t be your true self. You will put aside your quirks, pretend when you say you will be open to new experiences and that dream wedding song will not be about him anymore. He might not be the dad you dream about and be tolerant to your weaknesses or want to be a part of his own team. Then you will be the one sitting with your friends on girl’s night saying, “My relationship is not what was meant for me. I know there is someone better.”.

So, while it may hurt to be alone now, don’t lose sight of the person you want to be in the future. If it is meant to be, it will happen, but nothing forced will stay together peacefully. Be picky and wait for the person who accepts you, not the person you think will give you the dream future. You can create that together.