To The Girl Who Feels Incomplete Without A Guy
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To The Girl Who Feels Incomplete Without A Guy

You really can be alone without being lonely.

To The Girl Who Feels Incomplete Without A Guy

I know it is hard. I know you probably think I do not understand, that I am going to throw a bunch of clichés at you and just be done with it. I am not. I am not, because I have been where you are. I know what it feels like to be so lonely that you are willing to lower your standards significantly (even if you would die before admitting that you are doing so) in order to just not be alone. I know how it feels to crave validation just as you crave the air you breathe, even if you do not realize that you are doing it. I know how it feels to drown in loneliness, to notice that everyone surrounding you is happy and in love, to feel like you will never find anyone again. I know.

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I know why you do not want to be alone. Because alone and lonely are two dangerously similar concepts, and it takes a lot of strength (that most struggle with and always will) to be alone without being lonely. It takes a deep understanding of yourself, your past and how you want your future to look to realize how important it is to be alone, and how important it is to truly love your life when you are alone. But when you're lonely, that's when it all comes rushing back. The insecurity. The self-doubt. The pain inflicted on you by the ones who made promises they could not (or just would not) keep. So you shove all this down and let random guys who don't deserve you temporarily numb the pain so you don't have to face it. You lower your standards until they are barely recognizable because it does not really matter who it is or how they treat you, just that you aren't alone.

If you do this for long enough, eventually you forget how to chase away the sadness on your own. Guys become a crutch for you. If you are never alone you can't be lonely, and if you can't be lonely you can't feel broken. But here's the problem: using faceless, nameless guys to numb the pain is a lot like using liquor for the same purpose. Eventually the high wears off, and when it does, the pain you feel will be twice as bad, plus a headache the next day. So you have to use it more and more until you lose yourself in the process. And trust me, you will lose yourself.

Do not lose yourself. Do not let the feelings and pain from your past chase away who you are. Do not be so afraid of your demons that you let them control you like that. If you cannot learn how to be happy alone, you will never be happy with someone else. You will always try to fill empty places in yourself with pieces of them and it will never be enough, and they will always come up short. That is not fair to them or to you. You will be amazed how much your life changes when you stop focusing all your energy on guys and what they think about you and, instead, start focusing on yourself and how you feel and think about you. Anything you do not like, you have the power to change and it's both as easy and as difficult as that. It takes time and hard work, a lot of it, but if you learn how to focus on yourself, you will be happier.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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