"Times are tough but I am tougher."
When I first realized that I had been in an abusive relationship I was frozen. I didn't really know what to do or think or say. I thought that it was all a misunderstanding. Because how could I possibly have been wrapped up in something like that? You never think it will happen to you until it does and you feel like you're too far trapped to get out. I promise you, you're not.
Everyone seems to have advice for you on how to get out of an abusive relationship but no one ever seems to know what to do once you're out. Here are some things I wish someone would have told me.
1. It wasn't your fault.
No matter what they made you feel, it wasn't your fault. You didn't put the words in their mouth or the power behind their fist. Even if you said mean things, they always took it the step further; and that was not your fault.
2. Take your time trusting new people.
People who have never been in this situation won't understand why you're reluctant to trust someone else. You have the right to guard yourself and if it helps keep doing it. It may take days, weeks, months, or years for you to trust someone else so do that at your own pace because the only person that decision affects is you.
3. Not every relationship will be like that.
The way they treated you wasn't normal. It wasn't the model for how all relationships are. So please please don't think that every man will treat you that way, because he won't. You will find someone who will kiss the pain away and understand it, and who will never treat you that way or anywhere even close.
4. No one can tell you how to feel about them.
You may feel nothing towards them, or you may be angrier than you ever thought imaginable, or you could feel nothing but sadness towards them. No matter how you feel, it's okay. You have every right to feel however you want to feel about him. It was your relationship, so they're your feelings.
5. You're the strongest person I know.
If you have made it out of an abusive relationship I commend you. You pulled yourself out of the depths of something that could have consumed you. You realized that your self worth is greater than the way he made you feel. No one can take the strength and power that it took to leave away from you. You reclaimed your life and you should be beaming with pride.
I know that not every woman can find the strength to leave. If you are still stuck know this, you are strong, you are beautiful, and you are worthy.
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced an abusive relationship within their lifetime. Please reach out to someone you can trust for help and know that you are not alone.
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
