To The Girl Who Always Turns Down Plans, Don't.

To The Girl Who Always Turns Down Plans, Don't.

What lie can I come up with to get out of this?

To the girl who always turns down plans, don't.

Stay in bed or go out? You already know your answer.

I grew up shy, my own best friend.. I was the girl in middle and high school that had one all-consuming friendship at a time. I clung on, certain that the girls in huge groups were doing it wrong. It was the only logical approach- you filled each other’s time, never facing competition. Looking back, it does have its cons. Watching everyone else being able to befriend anyone always made me jealous. I wanted that so badly. But being introverted, it didn’t seem possible. No one wants to be friends with the shy girl.

Don't get me wrong, I had other friends- or, I should say, acquaintances. Senior year, I really branched out. I started talking to girls I had always brushed off and rekindled my friendship with an old friend. It was definitely my best year of high school, but I still didn't go out much. When someone would approach me with plans the first thought that would come to mind was what lie can I come up with to get out of this? I couldn't help myself. I would much rather stay home and lay in bed.

Looking back, doing that hurt me way more than I imagined. I would log onto social media and seeing my friends have a fun time at the plans I turned downed. A cloud of depression would come over me. I would be furious with myself for feeling that way. It was only my fault. The amount of memories and experiences I turned down is repulsive. High school is supposed to be the best four years of your life, but for me it was the worst.

I was terrified going into college. The thought of not knowing anyone besides a couple people I had met online filled me with panic. August rolled around and any excitement turned to dread. My comfort zone had treated me too well. I wasn't okay with the thought of being even slightly uncomfortable. All I could tell myself is how badly I wanted college to be different. I didn’t want to be the girl who sits in my dorm with the door shut, isolating myself yet again. I wanted to have a big group of friends, and never turn down plans unless I actually had to.

I’ve now been at Merrimack for eight weeks. Eight weeks of new friends. Eight weeks of finally, finally going out when I wanted to hide in my room. Eight weeks of searching for myself- and finding a person I actually like. I’ve found a kind, supportive friend group. They’re forced me to interact with even more people in my building, and now I always have someone I can hang out with. I never refuse plans. Even when I really, really want to. I'm over that. My social anxiety has almost vanished and the amount of crazy, fun experiences I have had here already is unreal.

So, to the girl who's either in high school reading this right now worrying or in college sitting in her dorm, don't. I promise sitting in your room by yourself on a Friday night may be fun sometimes, but not every weekend. Go out. Have fun. Find new friends, make new experiences, have the time of your life. As cliche as this may sound, you're only young once. Don't look back and regret turning down plans that could have been the time of your life.

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I Was A TFM Girl And The Online Harassment Made Me Regret It

I put myself on display in an online zoo of men (and women) who either wanted to insult me or get with me.

I was a TFM girl, and this is what I learned.

One bite — everyone knows the rules.

Unless you’re pretty much half naked or shotgunning a beer in a bikini on social media. Then you’ll be getting multiple “bites.” Since you're basically a piece of meat.

If you’ve ever scrolled through the TFM girls Instagram page, you know exactly what I mean when I say it’s basically the digital version of Sports Illustrated except instead of a camera crew you have your best friend’s iPhone photography skills, and instead of Kate Upton, you have a compilation of college girls trying to find that perfect booty angle on the beach in Cabo (or in my case Lake Michigan — but that’s irrelevant and kinda sad).

I was in shock when I made it on the page for the first time. I sent in a few pictures just for kicks because, at the time, being on the page was like some sort of status symbol. Especially since my boyfriend at the time was in a fraternity.

So yeah, it was a huge ego boost.

Everything was fine and dandy in the beginning. Hundreds of followers and likes started piling up on my account. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t enjoying the attention. Like I said — huge ego boost. I made it onto the page two more times.

Then it got weird.

Really weird.

Nobody really talks about the DMs or comments you receive from being featured on the page. Some were rude. Others were just plain disgusting. Here are a few examples:

“She is probably just the token hot friend.”

“Dude, I would totally hit that.”

“Nah man, she’s too muscular.”

“She probably has a butter-face since she’s turned away from the camera.”

“Hey baby, are you looking for a sugar daddy?”

“I’ll give you $2,000 if you send me a pair of worn underwear. Please.”

“Oh the things that I would do to you.”

“Ehh I give her about a six.”

“Eight point five.”

Immediately, my self-worth plummeted to a number on a ranking scale. The messages kept coming. The amount of revulsion I felt kept climbing. The comments got to my head. My confidence was damaged. It was no longer an ego boost. My self-worth and confidence plummeted from online harassment.

I put myself on display in an online zoo of men (and women) who either wanted to insult me or get with me.

Neither was ideal.

The audience that I drew in automatically assumed I was, you know, down for whatever. However, I know that I am so much more than an object. I am so much more than just a girl in a bikini or tiny Halloween costume. I am more than just my body.

It turns out I attend one of the best public universities in the nation. I have made the Dean’s List almost every semester. I have accomplished so much in the past few years both academically and professionally.

And no, I don’t count being on the TFM girls page being one of those accomplishments.

They aren’t the only ones, either. There are hundreds of Instagram pages that feature thousands of girls on a daily basis. So power to you if you are featured. I applaud you, honestly. In their eyes, you have what it takes to be the face of their immense platform.

Just ask yourself: are you ready for what’s next?

Cover Image Credit: Kate Schmidt

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5 Lies You Tell Yourself To Get Through The Day, And You're Lying If You Say You Don't

Getting through the day is a lot easier when you trick yourself into believing every day is Friday!

If you're anything like me you work a full-time job and try to balance every day life accordingly. Let me tell you, that is no easy task. Family, friends, relationships, hobbies, appointments, car repairs, etc. The list of things that need attention goes on and on. Every little thing adds up and there are only so many hours in a day to do them all. So, here are 5 lies I tell myself everyday to keep chugging along.

1. I will do it tomorrow.

This one really hits home with me. I will do it tomorrow has almost become my life motto. My day is full, always! Working full-time truly drains most, if not all, of my energy. I like my job but I still count the hours down until I get to go home. It never seems to come fast enough. I'm always thinking about what I'm going to do after work but by the time 5 PM comes around, I'm tired and would rather just nap.

2. It will get better.

This is a positive way to look at your day, but to be honest, some days it gets even worse after you say this. My fiancee is my main motivator and if she didn't keep pounding this into my head I don't know if I'd believe it. But I live for the days it does get better.

3. Let it go, it's over.

I'm not sure about y'all but I seem to overthink everything. One bad thing can snowball into a terrible day for me. My mood changes and it's so hard to become positive again. I know that's horrible but sometimes I just can't help it. No one is perfect and I'm definitely not. Let it go it's over is the lie I live off of at work!

4. One. More. Hour.

The last hour of any workday is the longest hour of your life. Looking at the clock and seeing its 4 PM is such a relief, but you look at it again and what seems to be a half hour later... has only been six minutes. Am I the only one? Because it seems like this happens to me every day... especially on Friday!

5. It's almost the weekend!

I say this a lot. And if I'm being completely honest with you, I even say this on Monday. I know it sounds stupid but the weekend is the only time I really get to do what I want. My life, Monday through Friday is not very impressive. I get home from work to shower and eat dinner. And by the time I've done all of that it's already after 6:30 p.m. That gives me 3-4 hours before I have to go to bed to do it all over again.

My life is great don't get me wrong but balancing my time is so hard to do. One thing I've learned in life is that you can't control it. Just do your best and keep telling yourself these lies if it gets you to the weekend. When we have no limitations, and can truly do whatever we want, is when we are the most free.

Cover Image Credit: Instagram

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