To you,
You will remain nameless, but I know your name. Your name, your face, your smile, and everything that is you, has echoed across my mind time and time again since I discovered your existence. I’ve cycled through quite a few emotions when it comes to how I feel about you; hate, jealousy, rage, sadness, confusion…now, I’m simply going to stay with hopeful. I don’t know if he loves you yet, or if he will ever love you, but I do know I love him and will continue to do so even if it is from afar. I helped cultivate his dreams, encouraged him to reach his potential, and helped him see that some of his actions were completely irresponsible.
Maybe this letter will come off as cliché to you, because I know it’s been done probably a million or so times, but I just had to say this to you. You’ll hear things you don’t want to hear, but things I have to say, and if they offend you, I’m sorry.
He will always hold a special place in my heart as the first man I ever truly loved with all of my heart, which probably does not sit right with you, seeing that you’re what holds his heart now. I pray for him, as I do for myself, and I still want to see all his dreams come true, because that smile, you know that smile when something really makes him happy, is worth every moment I spent praying for him.
You have to be careful with him, he puts on this “tough guy” façade, but he’s sensitive. He’s strong, but he has moments where he needs someone to lean on; please be there when he needs you. When he tells you he loves you, he means it…he’ll never say it out of habit or because he’s “supposed to”, he says it because he is genuine.
The first time you ever see him interact with children your mind will automatically go to thinking about how amazing of a father he will be, I know mine did. His nephew means the world to him and I know he aches to be a father.
You guys will fight, and there will be some serious ones, but he’s always quick to apologize and want to fix whatever the fight was about. Don’t let him go to bed angry, he won’t sleep, and neither will you.
I hope he looks at you the way he did me, with every ounce of love and devotion his body could hold; a look potent enough to bring you to your knees. Pay attention to the way he watches his favorite movie, or “The Office”, because he watches you that way, too.
Always, always tell him how proud you are of him when he catches a fish or kills a deer, it means so much to him to know you care. Buy him new fishing gear, because he won’t buy it himself no matter how much he wants it.
I hope he doesn’t let you walk away, like he did me. I hope he appreciates the little things you do for him, because he never did for me. Please be good to him, love him like you would want someone to love you. Don’t think of me as the “bitter ex-girlfriend” but, think of me as the girl who had his heart before you. Take care of our boy, and he’ll take care of you.
