To The Girl In The Complicated Relationship, It Just Isn't Worth It

To The Girl In The Complicated Relationship, It Just Isn't Worth It

All good things come to an end.
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To The Girl In The Complicated Relationship,

It just isn't worth it.

Take it from someone who dated her "high-school-sweetheart" starting in November of freshman year of high school... till 3 years into college ending in junior year. If I could go back and tell myself "it just isn't worth it", I probably would not have listened and still held on. But hopefully, with you reading this, I can give you some insight.

Seven years is a long time. At this point, he should be the one I'm marrying, right? Unfortunately, it has taken me THIS long to be brave enough and just let go.

Complicated relationships aren't easy to describe. You hold on because you feel there is no one you can be more comfortable with. You hold on because your memories are your worst enemies. You hold on because the situation fits your lifestyle perfectly... with his family being super welcoming, or your family loving him just as much. You're friends with everyone he's friends with, and there isn't anyone else to pick up your phone calls or bring to the movies with. Heck, you might even have a dog together. You hold on because he's the closest person to you; your best friend. But why is it so complicated?

It's complicated because you've grown up to be two different people. You realized that your personalities are starting to clash, and when you've been in a relationship for so long... the first thing you feel is that it's normal to have disagreements, but what happens when you start to fall out of love with the person because you start to see you cannot connect with this person anymore? After being blinded during the "high school-honeymoon" phase.

It's complicated because you have your own dreams to reach. You have your own outlook on life, and the other person is just not seeing how you could have these sort of dreams when they do not match up with theirs. You cannot see it either. You both don't know how the future can benefit the both of you, for where you both desire to be. OR... it's complicated because your lifestyles are totally different. Sure, if you love each other you'll go odds and ends to make things work, but what happens when it get's too much? What happens when you start prioritizing on making this relationship work, rather than prioritizing on what really matters, yourself? You should focus on your life before anything else... which brings me into my next topic.

It's complicated because there are moments where you truly feel that you are finding the person you are becoming. You are young, growing up with many experiences and obstacles to face, and sometimes you need to face these alone. Being alone might be a scary thought, but being alone will teach you how to grow as a person. Alone time, as in being alone with your independency. Doing things on your own, for your own. You truly start to figure out the type of person you are, and then learn about the things that make you happiest. It gives you time to do things you've always wanted to do, without the worry of being the partner in a relationship, being committed and considerate to someone else.

Complicated relationships are very broad. It could be problematic because of families clashing, long distance relationships, abusive relationships, all the above. But in general, if you're in a relationship and you just aren't happy, it's not worth it. Not only is it emotionally draining for the both of you, but it distracts you from greater things that can happen for you.

It's not worth holding onto just because of all the history you've been through with each other. That isn't a good enough reason. Sometimes, it helps to think about the saying "all good things come to an end". It's not worth holding onto if you find yourselves trying to fix the same problems for the 50th time, finding yourselves back in the same toxic cycle. And it's most definitely not worth it if you're holding onto a thread but find yourself falling for other people very easily.

If you are so in love and the thought of being apart sickens you, then make the effort to at least have them part of your life, still. Being friends (not friends with benefits) is okay. You both have a strong connection unlike others, because if it's a complicated relationship, I bet you both bring out the best AND the worst of each other. Time is the only solution to a better outcome... BUT if it has to come down to it, total disconnected communication is the best option if you're the type to always go back.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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5 Perks Of Having A Long-Distance Best Friend

The best kind of long-distance relationship.
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Sometimes, people get annoyed when girls refer to multiple people as their "best friend," but they don't understand. We have different types of best friends. There's the going out together best friend, the see each other everyday best friend and the constant, low maintenance best friend.

While I'm lucky enough to have two out of the three at the same school as me, my "low maintenance" best friend goes to college six hours from Baton Rouge.

This type of friend is special because no matter how long you go without talking or seeing each other, you're always insanely close. Even though I miss her daily, having a long-distance best friend has its perks. Here are just a few of them...

1. Getting to see each other is a special event.

Sometimes when you see someone all the time, you take that person and their friendship for granted. When you don't get to see one of your favorite people very often, the times when you're together are truly appreciated.

2. You always have someone to give unbiased advice.

This person knows you best, but they probably don't know the people you're telling them about, so they can give you better advice than anyone else.

3. You always have someone to text and FaceTime.

While there may be hundreds of miles between you, they're also just a phone call away. You know they'll always be there for you even when they can't physically be there.

4. You can plan fun trips to visit each other.

When you can visit each other, you get to meet the people you've heard so much about and experience all the places they love. You get to have your own college experience and, sometimes, theirs, too.

5. You know they will always be a part of your life.

If you can survive going to school in different states, you've both proven that your friendship will last forever. You both care enough to make time for the other in the midst of exams, social events, and homework.

The long-distance best friend is a forever friend. While I wish I could see mine more, I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Cover Image Credit: Just For Laughs-Chicago

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Why The Gays Are Willing To Go The (Long) Distance

Trust me, your significant other will always be there for you, no matter how far away you are.

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My fellow queers, have you ever had this issue: You're scrolling through your Tinder, looking at all the hot babes in your area, when you suddenly match with someone who's super cute and looks as if they're into the same things as you are. You look at their location and are surprised to see that they're only 25 miles away. Twenty-five miles away? that's great!

What I've often found humorous as a gay man, is that a lot of my fellow LGBT siblings are willing to go long distances in order to find love (or a good time). This is primarily true for LGBT folk who live in smaller cities or towns where there isn't as a large a queer community that you would find in places like New York or Los Angeles (or, Orlando and Miami if you're a fellow Floridian). So, most of us are stuck going up to 20-plus miles for dates or to simply see our significant other.

While that isn't a problem for us, we'd really like it if our dates were a little closer and that it was easier to see our significant others. While a lot (not all) straight people enjoy this luxury, even fewer LGBT folk do as well.

But, I think there's a hidden romanticism in being separated by distance. Distance and not seeing each other all the time can help strengthen a relationship.

What I've noticed about straight couples (and, this is by no means a drag on y'all) is that when you see each other all the time because you live close by, it can put a strain on a relationship. I feel like when you see someone so much, it can kill the romance. The passion will be gone because you'll become so used to the person's presence.

Having distance between you and the one you care for is hard, I know. Twenty miles can feel like a thousand, but the deep connection comes from it can close the distance between your two hearts. I mean, If the relationship gets to "that" point you could always move in together and become domestic with each other.

So, I feel like my point was lost in my ramblings but I guess what I'm trying to say is this: You don't have to be on top of your significant other to be in love with them or have a relationship with them. Take some time for yourself, do the hobbies that you love. Visit your friends without your S.O. tagging along. You have to remember, that at the end of the day you are both separate human beings who just happen to be in love.

Trust me, your significant other will always be there for you, no matter how far away you are.

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