To the ex who communicated randomly,
Let me preface with this: I do not keep tabs on your life anymore. I do not incessantly check your Facebook nor your Instagram (do you forget you blocked me?) because it's rare I feel something substantial enough to make me do that.
Do I still think about you? You used to be someone I was incredibly close with, a best friend. So of course I do, but I respectfully cut ties with my losses. I've filled my heart with so many beautiful people since I've known you and those friendships are satiating to me in a way our relationship never was.
It takes two people to start and end a relationship, so I know I'm not innocent either, but I have the dignity to acknowledge and apologize for my wrong doing. I've apologized to you within months of our breakup because I thought you were worthy of an honest, face-to-face apology from me straight from the heart. But you proved to me that your heart was bitter and I recognize that my sentiment was not enough to mend your malice.
I found peace in that.
If I ever see you in passing, my heart no longer sinks. Not for a long while now at least, but I do secretly hope yours does if you see me because I know that the treatment I received from you after our breakup gives me ground to wish for that. Not only were you foul, but it shattered the positive opinion I once had of you. It's no grudge, I just seriously have no words or desire to speak with you. That's your fault, not mine.
So, how do you not realize that after nearly two years and when you're out of your latest relationship is not the right time to "confront" me via Facebook to apologize for your lack of character? Understand that I'm sitting on the other side of the screen in astonishment as to why, after nearly a year of no communication, you have the urge to ask me how I've been and give me a half-assed apology for how you treated me. But wait, you tried to justify the randomness because you've been through some hardships with your (now former) girlfriend.
I meant what I said when I said I never thought you'd feel guilty for how things left off between us. I don't understand the nerve you have to say that you didn't until sh*t hit the fan for you. Okay, dude, good job with your self-reflection skill set. Of course I'm going to take the irritation you caused me to pen and paper (and now to a screen) because I don't understand why people think it's justified to hide behind their phone for apologies rather than facing the issue headstrong and taking it to a more personal venue.
What is this generation we're in? Because the way I see it, you can apologize all you want from a phone screen, but it doesn't mean anything unless you reaffirm the sentiment behind the remorse in person.
Xoxo,
Me
