On again off again, it seems to be a never ending cycle. You argue, break up, harass each other, and then get back together because you miss each other but it only ends with arguments, a break up and more harassing. You guys are the couple that everybody rolls their eyes at in the hallway, screen shots the posted pictures to send to their group chats to gossip about because neither of you are loyal to each other. You think that the relationship you're in is normal, because you "love" each other. You think it's normal to keep your significant other on some sort of leash in the relationship; "don't talk to this person," "don't wear that outfit out," "show me your text messages." Nothing about that is a normal or healthy relationship. In fact, it's the complete opposite.
The sad part of all of this is that you're too naive to walk away from it. Your friends tell you that it's no good for either of you, but you don't actually listen because no matter what they tell you, "we're in love, we're meant to be, why can't you see that?" Your friends can't see it because there's nothing there to actually see. Love isn't control and manipulation, its support and room to grow not only within each other but also on your own. Love is not your relationship; your relationship is toxic.
A true relationship is hard to find when you're young, people have a contorted view of what relationships should be like based off social media and society and it leads to the complete control of one partner over the other, a lack of respect, and most importantly, a lack of trust. Toxic relationships begin the second your significant other tells you not to do something you want to do, like go out with the girls, or go play ball with the boys. They begin the second you aren't allowed to have any contact with a person because your significant other doesn't approve. It begins when the arguing doesn't stop. There's so many tell tale signs that go unnoticed because you're convinced that the love is real -- nothing can split you two -- but maybe it's time you start looking to walk away.
By letting a toxic relationship control you, it also controls your friendships and your relationship with your family. It controls every other aspect in your life because you become more and more invested into something that cannot be changed. You're allowing yourself to lose who you are in hopes to become something that a POS significant other wants, when we both know they'll still want more changes because you still aren't what they want.
All I want to say is get out while you can. Walk away while you still have a tiny ounce of yourself left. Hold onto whats left of you and take the first step away. Disconnect yourself from it. You're put on this earth to grow and prosper and find a new way to change the world, not to please somebody who views you as an object. Have enough respect for yourself to allow growth and change to happen, respect who you are, what you believe in and stay true to your morals. Stop letting somebody control who you can become because they are not you. You are you. It's baby steps that add up to a full disconnect, so don't be afraid to tip toe out of it slowly.
