What you're doing is not right and never will be. I do, however, feel sorry for you that you feel it's necessary to do this. I feel bad for you that something significant had to happen in your life that made you the way you are. I know you don't want to be that way, because no human being is inherently evil. I know that you act out because you just want attention. I know that you rarely (or never) feel truly happy, like it's constantly out of reach, teasing you.
I know it's easy to act out and seek revenge for all the bad things people have done to you but is it really worth it? Is it worth hurting someone or multiple people and knowing that they feel significantly less valuable as a person because of what you said or did? Does harming people bring you a lasting feeling of peace and joy? I don't think so. We can have such a profound impact on one another and life is already hard enough, so why not make it easier? There's already far too much war, disease, and hate going on in the world so why contribute to it? I know you're hurting, but so are the rest of us.
The good thing is, you're not doomed to be a bully for the rest of your life. You can simply stop being a bully. Sounds crazy but I promise you it can be done. Yes you'll still have the social stigma of being a bully, and it will most likely follow you for a while, but it will end up better in the end. It is always better to have more people in your favor than against you and bullies tend to not have many friends or good connections. In this crazy STEM infatuated world of ours connections are one of the most important assets one can have.
Although you might not think you're impacting someone's life and entire being, you are. You're causing almost irreparable damage to that person. Here's a not-so-fun-fact, according to the CDC, "Suicide is the third leading cause of death among persons aged 10-14, the second among persons aged 15-34 years.... In 2013, 494,169 people were treated in emergency departments for self-inflicted injuries." These numbers should not be this high. Yes, there are other reasons besides bullying why someone would feel compelled to do these things but bullying certainly doesn't help the case.
Let's keep changing lives, for better not worse. Let's be the reason that people feel good about themselves. Let's be the friend they need at three, four in the morning to talk them out of suicide. Let's be there for each other.
Source: CDC Suicide Stats
