You know, when I first met you, I was in awe of you. The way you lived life so free, the way you carried yourself without a care in the world, the way that people always dropped at your feet and praised you. If one person spoke your name, ten others would shout, "oh, what a guy!!".. Everybody loved you, but they would never love you the way I started to. It was the way your hair hung slightly in your eye, your side smile that showcased the tiny chip in your tooth, which might I add was one of my favorite things about you. Your laugh that made everyone around you light up and want to join in. The way you were able to speak so smooth, the way a knfe slid through room temperature butter. One thing always stayed in the front of my mind; you would never look at me with such interest.
It happened. All it took was one time for you to place your hand on my face, look me in my eyes, and place your lips on mine. It was done and I was all yours. I was all yours, but my God, I knew this was going to destroy me and I did. not. care.
Things were perfect. I was floating. You held me like a mother would hold her newborn child. You would hug me like your life depended on it. You would hold my hand like you never wanted to let go. You would smile and laugh at me when I would sing to you. You would take my arm and play the guitar on it and use my hand as a mircrophone when we would drive and listen to all our favorite songs. I never cared where I was as long as I was with you. I could look at you for a second and all my worries would go away. I had never smiled as much as I did when I was with you, I never laughed so hard in my life, my hands had never intertwined with such a divine being, my heart had never been so full and I had no idea that I could love someone so intensely.
Things changed. The smell of alcohol on your breath became all too familiar. It was as constant as someones daily perfume or cologne. It was bad. My very own sunshine lost it's light. It got dark. I realized that you were much more broken than anyone would have ever guessed. Habits settled in. Like clockwork, I had to hold you up just to help you to bed. I would lay in the bed awake next to you while you slept and would pray for things to get better. I would run my hands through your hair hoping you would remember that these hands; I, still cared so much for you. You stayed so angry. I would hold you so tight that I would hope all your broken pieces would just stick back together. Your heart was bleeding from all the pain you went through in your life. You had spent so long holding it together and you just couldn't anymore. All those people never understood, but I did. All those people didn't watch you fall apart, I did. All those people didn't witness your light dimming out, I did. I sank to the deepest parts of the ocean with you. I held your hand and pulled you while I tried to swim to the surface for you. I went through every stage of uncertainity. For what? The moment you saw the light peeking through the surface you let go of my hand and you swam on without me.
You left me to drown in everything that was you. As I predicted, you destroyed me.
